Visit from BESTIES and another trip to Mammogram Purgatory...

I think all of our Win the Day followers know that I'm not just bragging about having unbelievable friends, it's just true :) Is that bragging?! That is one of my very fav pics of my girls. I have a very special little 4some of besties from college who I have known for over 10 years. We used to travel to amazing spots together...Mexico, New Orleans, France, California, Spain, Italy, Idaho...ok Idaho was the worst place I've ever been in my life, but with these girls, can have fun even in sub-zero weather in a one bedroom apartment with only a bottle of whiskey to split between us...ok...Idaho was the worst place I've every been in my life (Austin and cancer have really put a damper on the traveling, but we do have a very exciting trip planned to see Madonna on tour soon!!!).

These days we rarely all 4 end up in the same city, but the stars aligned  for Mother's Day and it happened. Had the BEST time. And my bestie Seemay ended the night by copping a feel on Lefty. I'm telling y'all. Lefty is still my best asset. Especially after 5-6 bottles of wine. OK. Maybe 7. HA.

Speaking of Lefty, she had another eventful week at the Kinchen House...had some symptoms my docs were a little worried about (if it were any of you other ladies out there with the same things going on, wouldn't be a big deal, but because I am who I am, we take these things very seriously).

So, had an unexpected visit with my surgeon, Dr. Bob. At my last visit with Dr. Bob, he told me that he was firing himself and never wanted to see me again. But I'm like a stalker girlfriend that just won't take a hint (or a straight up request to quit coming to see him). I. just. had. to. get. my. hands. on. an. ultrasound. ASAP. And I knew where to find one...ha! Gosh y'all, I'm kidding. I'm not a vigilante doctor stalker (well, kind of, but this time I wasn't). Dr. Jim called Dr. Bob and they decided that I should see Dr. Bob right away :) BONUS...my  5th breast exam in 5 weeks...I would say that I am being very very closely monitored by my team whether it's on their terms or not.

Long story short, he sent me to a special breast imaging center where I had another 3D mammogram of Lefty and they added on a special visit with a radiologist to do an ultrasound on that pesky little lump we've had a benign biopsy almost exactly a year ago just to be safe. Kind of lucky (the reason I'm lucky is not very cool), that when I have imaging done, I don't have to wait for days or weeks for a call or letter in the mail. They let me know right then and there whether or not there is something of concern.

First, the paperwork is just not the same anymore. I used to be able to check 'NO' all the way down forms. Now there are a lot of 'YES's' and dates to remember. Second, mammogram (which y'all know is really low on my totem pole of things to do on a Friday afternoon, or really any time of the day, any day). Third, what I like to call Mammogram Purgatory...where you have to wait in a room in a gown for someone to  come back and tell you if you need more imaging or if you can get dressed and go home. Third and final stop, the extra special ultrasound room where they take special people for more extensive imaging. That's where I got the good news...

Both my mammogram and ultrasound were negative. YAY!

I'm feeling pretty victorious with this round of appointments because I DID NOT CRY. Didn't tear up. Wasn't holding anything back. I didn't cry when Dr. Jim told me that because of my history, we have to take every little thing seriously because it's possible that there could be a malignancy. I didn't cry when my surgeon reminded me that I'm the only patient he's had in 25 years who has advanced during chemo treatment. I didn't cry when I read on the copy of my previous mammogram that I had a history of breast cancer at 32 and right breast mastectomy (well, for some reason, this of all things might have got me a little misty). I didn't cry when I had to tell the lady at the front desk that they had ordered me a bilateral (both side) mammogram and I only had one side that could be 'mammogrammed'  (but I did crack up when she said, 'oh, left, right?' and I was like 'huh?' and she said it again and then I just perched my little left breast on the counter and said, 'this is all I've got left lady.') I didn't cry when the tech at the imaging center, not reading my full history, started tearing up when she discovered that I was a breast cancer survivor at 33 years old (p.s. I have had multiple professionals in the medical community cry or inappropriately hug me when I tell them pieces of what we've been through this year! NOT cool! Shouldn't they be used to this kind of thing? I don't want to be the person that they see all day that makes them cry...in a freaking breast imaging center!!). I didn't even tear up when the ultrasound tech asked if I was going to have more kids. Not a drop when the radiologist tilted the ultrasound screen towards me to see. I'm not going to lie. I am terrified of those screens. I can still see the big black odd shaped blob that was the tumor in my breast. It's one of the scariest things in the world to me. Worse than a bird landing on my shoulder...I held it together ALL DANG WEEK. Without wine...well, now that I'm thinking about it, I did have a well deserved margarita on Monday after my surgeon appointment...HA!

And after getting the 'all clear' results, I wasn't fast walking back to my car in the parking lot holding back tears until I got in by myself to open the flood gates and bawl my eyes out. I was fine. I thanked the radiologist (who also happened to be a breast cancer survivor) for her extra special time with me and walked on out to my car with my head (and little left booby) held high and thanked God for another amazing day.

And that's it.

And I know, as I've said before. This will be the rest of my life. I can't change my 'history.' I'm thankful for my doctors who take all concerns seriously (at least for now...one day they all might seriously fire themselves and not answer any of my phone calls. HA!).

We will keep on keeping on here at the Kinchen House. Although it was a bit of an emotionally stressful weekend with Dad traveling and me thinking about having a ticking time bomb in Lefty, Austin was definitely NOT letting up on his 3 year old tendencies. Which is why I cannot tell you how thankful I am for him. We met Uncle Robert for lunch and this is how we spent our meal together because he had a really bad case of the CRABS. Yes, I left him there. I was HUNGRY.

Super excited for one of my old co-worker's (well, she's not old, but I worked with her a long time ago) wedding this weekend! Another example of what a difference a year can make!!

WIN THE DAY (even if everyone fires themselves off your payroll)!
Love
Jenn

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Our first Mother's Day together. I miss that little chunky baby!

Just a few short months later, he got up and walked. And he hasn't stopped since. Like ever. So thankful for his energy to keep me going...and going...and going...HA!

I can't get enough of those thunderbuns and baby mullet.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the whole world today.

Hope all of my favorite moms out there are having a WIN THE DAY kind of day.
Love
Jenn

What a difference a year makes!

A little recap of Jonathon's view at Churchill Downs last weekend.

Pretty amazing. He made buds with the new track announcer at Churchill Downs and got some once in a lifetime (or if you have his luck, at least once every year) behind the scenes experiences. He also did some correspondence for the Daily Racing Form (here's a little clip...he did some by himself with the camera too and I was loving it because, although he did fantastic, I could tell he was sooo nervous! Love watching him squirm!) throughout the weekend and was even asked to publish his picks in the Kentucky Courier. Awesome!

And for those of you who haven't asked yet, but want to know. YES. He won the dang day at the Derby this year. If you're interested in how he did his thing handicapping the Oaks and Derby this year, you can listen to an interview he did HERE with his friend Steve Byk. Click the 3rd clip to hear him...pretty entertaining.

We were out running errands when the Kentucky Derby race ran...Jonathon called me 30 minutes before the race and told us that we needed to get our hineys in front of a tv and call in number 18 for a BIG WIN. So we ran into a restaurant next door to the store we were at, ran to the bar by the tv and were SCREAMING. Like really SCREAMING. And jumping up and down. And SCREAMING. Austin thought it was hilarious. When the race was over, and 18 did indeed come in first, I slapped a $100 down on the bar, paid for the dinner of a single lady eating alone (she ordered another margarita for herself before I paid) and we hit the road. No one had a clue what had just happened! We were quite the tornado. Ha! 

I'm a bit hesitant to share because the last time it was public knowledge Jonathon won a chunk of money, people felt that they should be obliged to a cut...seriously...people asked us to pay their bills. Not to borrow. For keeps! Ha! Either way, it's out there published and talked about on the radio, so at least I can let my Win the Day peeps know! But seriously, would anyone do that on payday if we were getting a paycheck from a regular old job? Actually, they might. I've seen it every time I've been to visit my very generous grandparents. People knocking on the door all the time in need of cash or to borrow expensive things they own and they always help them out how they can (almost always, don't tick my Grandma off or you'll be on the s*it list. She's rounding in on 70, but she's pretty tough). And my 70+ year old grandparents are still out there busting their butts working full time every. Dang. Day. Pretty amazing people.

But really?! I'm not sure people are considering the last year our family had! I'm going to let you in on a little number $750,000. That was ONE YEAR (2014) of total medical expenses at the Kinchen house (no, we don't owe that much. Thank God for health insurance). We were very fortunate to have a policy in 2013 and 2014 that no longer exists...anywhere...carriers don't offer the kind of coverage we had when I was diagnosed (and want to know a funny thing...I only took the best policy out because Jonathon had some minor health issues looming. Never in a million years thought I would be the one to need it)...if we had the policy we have now, then, we would owe over $150,000 in medical expenses. Thank you God. I have breast cancer survivor friends who are dealing with this type of financial stress in addition to trying to keep their health and lives in order.

Now why would anyone in the world think that a single income family with a small child plus that kind of stuff hanging over their heads should pick up their bills too? I feel like I'm in crazytown sometimes. A crazytown that I am very fortunate to live in, but still crazytown!

Ok. Enough of that topic. I'm getting all worked up into a hot flash.

Now a recap of my view during derby weekend. Couldn't be more different from good old Dad's weekend!

HA! Nowhere else I'd rather be :) Seriously. Well, maybe after a week alone with that kind of treatment, I could use a little break somewhere else! I don't really get bothered when Austin's a little stinker because he's tired. I think it's hilarious. Now, when he's just acting like a total butt head for no reason, sometimes I do want to put him alone in the backyard for a few minutes. But then I usually miss him 1 minute later and we make up (kidding, I put him in the closet, we have too many mosquitoes in the backyard). Man, I love that kid. A while back I told him that mommy was about to lose her cool and when I was putting him to bed that night, he told me, 'Mom, I'm sorry you lost your temperature.' Adorable. 

Medical Updates:

Been a month of lots and lots of doctors' appointments. I'm not going to go in to too many details. If there's anyone out there who wants to know more, call me. I'm very happy to share :)

1. Had another visit with my oncologist in town and we decided that I was going to take a trip to MDA for another opinion on taking Tamoxifen. He believes I had at least 2 different types of breast cancer and following the standard of care for (even a very low ER+ tumor like the one I had) is to take Tamoxifen for 5-10 years. He thinks that if the side effects can be managed, I should continue on with the medication. I also forced a breast exam on him. HA. Poor Dr. Jim. He tried to skip it this time. But I called him out on it.

2. I took a trip to MDA for a third opinion on taking Tamoxifen and a few other random questions. The doctor there is a triple negative breast cancer expert. She considers me a triple negative breast cancer patient (although I've had pathology that showed triple negative cells, very slightly Her-2+, low ER+ cells, AND low PR+ cells...although the standard of care for the type of cancers I had is to take Tamoxifen for 5-10 years, she doesn't agree with the standard of care or believe there are any studies that show that taking Tamoxifen is going to benefit me in any way as far as preventing a recurrence of the types of breast cancer I had. She told me that if I quit taking Tamoxifen and I have a recurrence, it's not because I quit taking Tamoxifen. Well, dang. Although I wanted to hear (and it's always been totally logical to me) that Tamoxifen risks and side effects might not outweigh the benefits for me, I didn't like the reason why it wasn't for me...nor that there are no other options out there as far as preventative maintenance medications go...especially after hearing over and over that the type of cancer I had with the specifics of the tumor responses to chemo is a high risk for recurrence. Blech. Of course, the trip was beneficial and I got a ton of great info from the doctor there...but my favorite part was the breast exam. It's always nice to get an 'everything looks good' from a lady who feels boobs all day long :)

3. Met with my radiation oncologist to check the area she treated. This appointment was uneventful (bonus! Another 'all normal' breast exam!). My skin is doing okay. I did slack off on my weekly physical therapy sessions, and as a result, do have minor lymphedema (fluid build up or congested tissue...a side effect of having my lymph nodes removed and even more likely because of radiation). So back to work with some specialists on that. Ugh.

4. Lastly followed back up with Dr. Jim to discuss my plan. We have one, but I'm not sure that I'm going to follow through with it, so I will keep you posted on any changes I make. For now, and at least the next month, I'm going to keep on keeping on popping Tamoxifen every day.

Man, oh man. I'm taking a preventative medication that has some pretty intense side effects and it may or may not help to prevent a recurrence for me...no one knows, but even if there is a benefit, it's a very very small percentage (like a theoretical 1-2% increased survival rate). I don't want to be a weenie and not tough it out if this is going to benefit me in any way, but no one can tell me that! Two of my docs say quit taking it, one says try and tough it out, but what they all agree on is that they don't know how this will benefit me, if at all, and that there are quite a few risks (like other cancers!) and side effects (hello, menopause!). Basically boils down to taking the daily drug that no one knows will help me or not or decide that quality of life is more important and be honest with myself about the extremely minimal benefits it might have (not cool to have a false comfort that this med might benefit me when all the data shows it probably doesn't). 

Want to know what's really going on in my silly head...if I have a recurrence, I don't want to have any regrets about not doing every little dang thing I could have done...I don't ever want Austin to think that I couldn't handle a little bit of daily discomfort to help prevent it (but let's be real. Hormonal imbalance is NO JOKE). I would seriously walk around on my hands all day with a bird perched on my feet (p.s. I hate birds) if it would prevent a recurrence :)

What a cruel joke to play on the control freak! Haha! Holy cow. Yes. 1.5 years later, I am STILL working on letting go of control. Another thought that I am deleting from my brain. I am healthy. I am fine. And I am going to be OK. Better than OK. I do everything I can do to keep my body up and at it and I am extremely fortunate for all of the blessings we have. Now. That's the kind of Win the Day thinking we all like to hear.

So...for now...I'm going to do some more research, let some stuff go, and just pray. I don't have to make a decision today. Bookmark here for now. At least I'm rich. HAHAHA. Kidding. We are NOT rich.

I want to end on a very very happy note. And a good reminder to all of us. Anyone remember where we were last year at this time?? I was reminded by one of my very fav preschool moms (who happened to be one of the very first people to bring our family tons of meals and treats and was constantly checking in on us...and still is!) as we were walking into a little Mother's Day Fiesta our kiddos' preschool had for us. We were both tearing up as we walked in thinking about what a difference a year makes! Pretty unbelievable.

For any of you who have not been through the wringer with our Kinchen crew since October 2013 (THANK YOU to all of you who have been along for the ride...near and far...), I was in the hospital with complications from chemo. After I found out my cancer was not responsive to the drugs I was taking. After I had my breast removed. After I started back on round 2 of an awful chemo drug with icky side effects. It was the pits. But honestly, I kind of miss my gray hair that came in first time around and fell out! Ha!

So last year...in the hospital, sick as a dog, barely made it home after a 5 day stint away from my family, I missed the preschool Mother's Day party. Jonathon stood in for me and brought my special treats they made together to the hospital. THIS YEAR, I was there, and although it was pretty funny that the craft was a hair flower (thank goodness it was a crown and wand last year bc I had about 1/2 in hair then), I could tie it in my hair this year (barely). On the way to preschool this morning, Austin put his little hands together in the backseat and said, 'Thank you Jesus for making my mommy all better.' What a little turkey.

So...life goes on...crazy things happen...decisions need to be made...or not...but TODAY, right NOW, THIS weekend...at the Kinchen House...we are planning to WIN THE DAY.

Love
Jenn

Geez. This was a long one. I need to get back to blogging more often!