When I was pregnant, Jonathon and I used to take long walks every night we could together and talk about what we would do when she went to kindergarten, got asked out on her first date...what about if she got caught drinking in high school? (remember, we thought we were having a girl who we had already named Isabella up until a few weeks before our wild little monkey Austin arrived! haha). Lots of silly conversations that were relevant at the time. Of course, we had the idea that our perfect kid would 'never do that' and no matter what came up, we would handle it absolutely perfectly. Now I know that if we both walk out the door with pants on, I'm winning big time. I also have some explaining to one day about why Austin has a tutu in his baby box. haha.
Turns out that the 10 months of pre-game conversations don't even come close to touching some of the things that parents deal with when they have a child. And I already know that after only being a parent for 3 years. Like what is our team going to do when he acts like a total butthead at a restaurant or tells someone that they don't like the gift they gave him or announce that the big guy in front of us smells funny (when the big guy is still standing in front of you). haha. Kids can really put you in your place. But beyond the things that you can look back at and laugh at, there are tough things that life brings on, tough things that you cannot plan enough to prepare for yourself or your child.
Because of my breast cancer diagnosis when Austin was 2 years old, I have talked a lot to him about death and Heaven. Not because I thought that I wasn't going to make it through (I told y'all I knew I was going to be ok!), but because I realized how real death is and how I owed it to my kid to talk to him about some of these very real things in the most 2 year old way I could. And we are still talking about it at 3. We also talk about things like if fish kiss. And why the sky is blue. Try explaining to a 3 year old why you get down to your birthday suit and let a stranger spray you with brown paint so your skin looks darker!! Now that I think about it, spray tans are kind of dumb. Some of our kid's questions seriously make talking about death seem easy peasy.
Turns out, all of our special talks about 'dying and going to Heaven' would actually become relevant and our little guy Austin would have understanding and words to talk to grown ups around him about the subject in a very heartfelt and honest way.
My 15 year old cousin, Nick, passed away in a tragic car accident Labor Day weekend. I won't go into details, honestly because I just can't. My heart is broken. My family is shattered. No one saw this coming. Jonathon woke me up at 1:30 am to tell me what happened and I cried and prayed and then got my act together and packed our bags, woke up Austin, and we were headed back home at 6 am. I just needed to get us home.
I explained to Austin that when we got home to Grand Island, people were going to be sad and crying because they weren't going to see Nick again on Earth. Austin told me that he wasn't sad because Heaven is a great place. Well, yeah, thanks for reminding me of that, kid. But it still just didn't seem real and I didn't know what to prepare my kid to see and hear.
He was the best little buddy I could have ever asked for on that trip...
When Austin and I were flying, I cried. a lot. I'm sure y'all aren't surprised! I was so worried about my family. So shocked. I knew that Nick was okay. He was gone. God reached in the car and took him. He had no fear and no pain. Austin kept telling me 'It's ok Mom, I know you're sad about Nick going to Heaven.' He peeked out our airplane window looking for Nick's angel wings poking out of the clouds, wondering how high Heaven really could be. He asked me if Nick was going to get to play football with Jesus (I talked to Austin a lot about Nick being the best football player). We talked about Heaven and how Nick really believed in Heaven and that's how I know he's there right now.
I don't really have much else to say about that. Everyday when Austin wakes up and crawls into bed next to me, he says, 'Mom, is today another sad day?'. When we walk by random people, he will ask if they are sad about Nick too. If I sigh or take a deep breath, he says, 'Mom, I know you're sad about Nick' and gives me a big hug. He keeps telling me that I can still talk to Nick. 'He can hear us talk mom!' And I've heard him have little conversations with Nick since he's passed away. It's pretty cute.
I feel so lucky to have spent time with Nick 5 days before the accident. Austin and I were able to fly home for my Gramma's birthday to surprise her. I have imagined Nick since as an Angel, with that big smile (yes, big mouths obviously run in the family) and his strong arms around us keeping us safe just like in the picture.
Talk about a kid who was inspirational...there were literally THOUSANDS of people at his funeral service. And the viewing took over 8 hours to get everyone through to pay their condolences. It was amazing. No one had any clue the impact Nick had on his friends and the community.
Someone made a really sweet tribute video of Nick I'd like to share. He was a big strong boy!
Our family started a college scholarship fund in Nick's name.
If you're interested in making a contribution, you can send the checks directly to:
Monte Galvan
4116 Texas Ave
Grand Island, NE 68803
Thoughts and prayers are much appreciated. As I can only imagine, time passing does not make this any easier on my Aunt and Uncle. I do wish that the world would just stop for a while for them to catch their breath. Their faith is strong. And they have comfort that Nick's was too.
Dr. Uyeki and I have talked about things like this happening a lot. Why I shouldn't worry about cancer recurrence because anything can happen at any moment. If I spend time worrying, I'll miss the present seconds passing. Your time on Earth is precious and numbered. Make a difference. Tell the people you love how much they mean to you. And please don't forget to WIN THE DAMN DAY.
#58strong
Love
Jenn
