Happy Thanksgiving!

At the follow up appointment with my doctor yesterday, my labs came back low in white blood cell counts and I am officially neutropenic (gasp!)...I know...sounds scary! haha. Days 7-10 after chemo, are typically the lowest count days, so this is not out of the ordinary, but mixed with the cold I have, it's necessary to be a bit more cautious. If my numbers would have been what they were yesterday when we were in the hospital Tuesday evening, I would still be locked up there for observation, BUT since we were proactive, went in at the first signs of ickiness and started treatment asap, my doctors are letting me stay home over the holiday as long as I'm not running a fever or have any other signs of infection. WIN!

What I really need is some good quality rest, so my amazing sister (AKA Aunt Stinky), packed up my wild little guy and took him to her house until I'm back up and running. I know that both J and I have noted many times how thankful we are for our friends and family, but specifically, we are feeling super grateful for my sister. Not grateful enough to teach my kid what her real name is (he couldn't pick Aunt Chanel out of a line up), but grateful :)

So, I will be resting at home for the holiday and we are going to pick back up and have our family turkey day this weekend. Really doesn't matter what we do or when we do it. We are thankful every darn day. Although, a turkey leg sounds really good right now. Did I mention the steroids I'm taking have me up stuffing my face at 3 am every morning?!

Be thankful for your day! 

Love

Jenn

I thought I would add a little to this post instead of posting another.....

A few thoughts in list form if you don't mind.....

- Joseph at the hospital (beer cap guy) should have been a highlight of my life, but i didn't really get to enjoy it.  It was like a movie!  He was a half drunk country bumpkin who had clearly been drinking and was nervous, but trying to be calm.  "How do you reckon they gon get this thang out".  I wanted to go snoop on his room, but I had to tend to Jenn.

- Jennifer is seriously the hungriest and thirstiest human being i have ever known.  I have never seen someone stop "life" as often for a bite of food.  She was in the middle of getting blood drawn and was still eating....lol.  I struggle eating a bag of M&Ms in the hospital as a visitor and she is munching away as the patient.  The doctor had to wait 20 secs to examine her throat with the popsicle stick because she is chewing.  Hilarious.

Things I am thankful for:

- My mom... I have always taken it for granted, but she loves me and I'm very thankful for that.  

- Haagen Das Coffee Ice Cream

- Showtime and HBO for wonderful shows like Dexter, Homeland, Boardwalk Empire, Hello Ladies, and East Bound and Down

- My wonderful kid.  He is amazing. I know he is mine, but he really is. I am so thankful for him and...

- The amazing woman who "assembled" him.  I don't think it is necessary to explain to you all how special she is.  She is so tough....except when it comes to hunger and thirst

- Friends and family...but i must warn you that I will disown you if you send me a Happy Thanksgiving Mass Text.

- My Xbox...I know i need to pay more attention to you and i will try to do better

- My dad....for being the easiest phone number to dial

- Bob Seger - Night Moves... This is arguably Austin's favorite thing in the world.  I spend hours with this on repeat and it is the only thing that is guaranteed to get him to do what you want.  It is undefeated.  "Workin Night Moves".

- I kinda feel like I am giving an acceptance speech and I am going to forget someone, but I am apologizing in advance if I forget.  Football is starting soon and I am feeling a little rushed....

Chanel - Maybe we should start hugging. Amazing.

John - Probably thanking us :)

Ann, Gene and Justice - Have put their lives on hold at times and we are thankful. Very thankful.

Papa Payday - Great having some testosterone in here.  Austin was bragging about him at school to all his friends.

Anyone whose name starts with Grandma or Grandpa.

Anyone whose name starts with Aunt or Uncle.

I really want to thank everyone who has taken the time to show us support during the last month or so....it truly has been amazing.  We are so lucky to have you guys in our lives.  Once all of this is over we will expect the same treatment.  We will allow you to watch our kid, cook us food, do our laundry, pick up groceries, and send us gifts.  This things can and should continue even after the cancer.  If you stop doing all of these things post-cancer than you don't really love us and this was all just a tax write off....

Happy Thanksgiving!

We are thankful for you....

Jonathon

'Tis the Season!

It's inevitable that we are going to have some kind of funky cold run through our house this time of year. Started with a sore throat for me this weekend and progressively worsened with a cough, fatigue and finally, last night, the dreaded fever...typically this would've just been a Nyquil kind of night, but because my immune system is compromised (chemo's not only great at killing cancer cells, but also wiping out the good germ fighting bugs and can also lower the white blood cells  in my body making infection dangerous), my oncologist wanted me to check in to the emergency room, have some blood tests run and possibly get a dose of an antibiotic for good measure (this was an urgent situation, not an emergency...I would've just been able to head into my dr's office if it weren't so late in the evening!)

So...

1. Grabbed my huge water jug and trusty prepared backpack equipped with my gigantic medical binder, snacks, chapstick and gum and headed out for a fun evening at the south austin emergency room

2. Was admitted right away because of neutropenic precautions (neutropenia is an abnormally low level of white blood cells produced in the bone marrow that ingest bacteria. Neutropenia makes the body vulnerable to bacterial and fungal infections. Because of the chemo drugs, I am at risk for neutropenia). I was actually thankful for this special treatment because the ER after 8 pm is a scary place...between the drunk guy who swallowed the beer tab, the huge guy who was convulsing because of a new antipsychotic med and the lady who was high pitched screaming for 2 straight hours...I was ready for a private room asap!)

3.  Drs. ran some blood cultures, ct scans, and started drip with an antibiotic to treat any infection present...scans were good and my blood counts were great...we will periodically find out more over the next few days regarding blood culture results (they can tell more over time about what types of infections are present in the blood and what antibiotics are effective against those strains of bacteria)

4. Went home with yet another 'scrip for an antiobiotic and I have a follow up appointment this afternoon with my oncologist before heading to Aunt Stinky's for the holiday

So, all in all, uneventful, but necessary. I'm feeling okay, just typical cold symptoms, but in combo with the fatiguing effects of chemo, not so fun at all!! And those are the facts folks. I'm sure Jonathon will have his own version of the story which will include making fun of my huge binder, snack crumbs I had to wipe off my chest for the ct scan and the crazy guy, joseph, who had the beer tab stuck in his throat that he will post at a later time :)

On another more fun note...

'Tis also the season for creepy Santas! Papa Payday and I took Austin to get his pic taken at the mall earlier this week. It was hilarious. Austin was really was into Santa, but I think only because I told him Santa gives out suckers if you sit on his lap. Austin chased him around and then practically pushed the kid in front of him off Santa's lap for his turn. Kid really likes suckers.

 

He wasn't so sure about the guy once he got up on his lap

Love
Jenn

Updates, updates, updates!

Lack of posts was due to feeling mostly back to normal this week and enjoying every minute of it!! Had the best time this weekend with some of my very favorite people in the world...my favorite part was seeing how annoyed my little sister can still get at me and my goofy friends...just like we were 15 years old again! On Sunday, after the last visitor of our many visitors hit the road, Jonathon looked at me and said, 'You have some pretty awesome friends.' And that my friends, is the truth. Thanks to each of you.

Pretty sure Aunt April high tailed it back to her neck of the woods shortly after Austin told her he needed to poop

Austin knows to line up first when Aunt Stinky's frying bacon

Chewing a chunk of Kerrigold buter...yummmm

                                                      Update #1
We received my genetic testing results. I had a full panel of tests run that included the 2 known breast cancer genes. All results came back negative. So, we don't know why this struck me, but we know that of all of the known genetic reasons out there (and mind you, there may be many out there that may not have not yet been discovered!), I'm not a carrier of those genes. I have my own theory that it was all of the Glade I used to spray around the house for fun (I was a weird 7 year old who loved to clean!) in combo with the cold Oscar Meyer hot dogs I inhaled during my first few years of life that got me here :) haha. These results not only have a huge positive impact on my family, but also have an impact on my options for surgery down the line, as most people who test positive for breast cancer genes often choose double mastectomies and possibly removal of ovaries to significantly decrease the risks of recurrence. Now that we know I'm not a carrier of the breast cancer genes, depending on how treatment continues, I may choose to have fewer less invasive surgeries still with good prognosis for no future recurrence. We will put a bookmark in this for now, because we are putting these results down in the books today as a big WIN.

Update #2
2nd chemo infusion in the books! All of my labs came back perfectly normal. Dr. told me that fatigue will advance as infusions continue, but as far as nausea and other icky side effects go, those will be the same each time. So, I'm feeling great about that as I had very little nausea or loss of appetite and a minor headache/hangover feeling for a while with the first infusion. The worst part for me were the sleep disturbances for the first week after chemo (thanks to the steroids I was up at 1:30 every morning eating fried egg and 'Line's chicken soup and whatever else I could get my hands on to eat). I was also really annoyed how fatigued and tired I still was at the end of the first week (that wasn't in my master plan. I think I need some reminders on that lesson in 'control'). haha. I was very thankful to a bunch of awesome friends who helped me out a ton with both food and entertaining Austin last week. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! The 2nd week after chemo I was back to normal, a little more tired than usual, but eating great and sleeping 8 hours a night (I know, I have a 2 year old, I really shouldn't put that out there in the universe, but I have cancer, the fact that my kid sleeps well in his own bed in my books is really only fair, right??)

Update #3
My surgeon told me that we would know almost immediately if the chemo is working just by feeling the tumor. Nerve wracking that I'm carrying the evidence with me on my chest. I've gotten the guts to feel my tumor a few times since treatment started, but honestly was just so darn scared of what I would feel, I've kind of been avoiding it. Just keep telling myself to have faith that God knows my path, that my treatments are working and that my body knows how to heal itself. I finally got brave last week and told a few people and I also made them feel to confirm that my lump is SIGNIFICANTLY smaller. Everyone's been shocked (maybe because I'm begging them to cop a feel haha) but really at how much smaller it feels!! So, today my oncologist copped a feel for himself and was happy to confirm that YES MY TUMOR HAS SHRUNK...MY TREATMENT IS WORKING!! Of course, he wasn't surprised. He told me this is what's supposed to happen, but I just couldn't stop thanking God (or crying!) . To me it's a miracle. To me it's a huge relief. It also makes pumping this 2nd infusion pretty darn motivating. Here are some things Dr. Jim helped me to understand to relieve some of my stress:

1. The type of cancer I have is responding to the treatment I am receiving. This treatment is not going to become ineffective as time goes

2. Since the largest chunk of cancer (the tumor in my breast) has been so greatly affected by the treatment, any free floating cancer cells in the rest of my body have almost certainly been 'blasted' too
3. The palpable lymph node that was biopsied has also shrunk

4. My lymph nodes have a secondary type of cancer (not the same characteristics as the tumor in my breast), but the characteristics of the cancer there are also shown to be effectively treated by the chemo I am taking too and the one that was swollen has shrunk, so we have evidence it's working!

5. Do more yoga and possibly go back for a visit with my therapist (although, there might not be much that can be done with my crazy mood swings...see #5! haha. poor jonathon!)

6. The zits that have appeared all over my face are a side effect of the treatment. Between the steroids and the scrambling of my ovaries with the chemo, it's inevitable (and actually feeling pretty darn blessed that one of the biggest annoyances I'm dealing with from chemotherapy is acne. Really, I'm not even going to talk about this one again!)

7. He wrote me a medical release for oncology massage and there's a lady in town who specializes in just that! Wow! Who knew?

8. My state of health (other than having cancer, haha!) has greatly impacted my tolerance of treatment and also my prognosis...take care of yourself people! Everything you put in your body is a choice and you can literally change your life by treating yourself how you deserve to be treated!

So...we are going to keep on keepin' on here in the Kinchen house! WIN THE DAY friends...you can do it...
Love, Jenn

Hey before you go.....take the time for a little vote.  Jenn went ahead and shaved her head a few weeks ago (it looks really awesome by the way) and I think we should have some fun since she won't be bald forever.  This is what I am thinking....just two simple lines.

Jonathon

Should Jenn get "parts" in her hair?
	Yes
	No
	Only if Austin and Jonathon do
pollcode.com free polls

Wigmaster Dream Team

Pulled together quite the talented crew for my first cranial prosthesis extravaganza (that's fancy talk for wig shopping). I'm pretty sure I'll mostly be a hat/scarf girl, but having an option for hair to wear every once in a while is important to me. Bonus...wig shopping is really fun! Especially with this group...

The dream team: the girl who can get anyone pumped about anything, the girl with perfect natural hair to use as a guide for what we wanted, the honest little sister, Austin's girlfriend Pia, the personal stylist, the clueless bald cancer patient and the professional wig master :)

 We had a lot of fun. I was so thankful for my talented friends who came along and helped me figure out what in the heck to do with this bald head! I'm only going to share a few of the rejects, because that's the most entertaining part anyway!

Heehee. We went through just about every crazy synthetic, blend and real hair sample wig they had in the house, but ended up narrowing it down to a couple of longer brown human hair ones that looked most like my real hair. I'm so predictable :) Will take some time to order and deliver, so will post more on the wigmaster dream team's final decision at a later time.

Jenn

Who are you hanging out with?!

I've mentioned pickings are slim in my age category at the oncology treatment center...yesterday, a sweet lady gave me this hat she sewed when she saw my hair was gone. She was less than impressed with my baseball cap. hahaha. Wish you could see the detail in person. Those are sparkly silver polka dots :) Totally made my day. I might wear it out to Little Gym class today.

couldnt stop laughing at myself in the camera. haha

I've been gifted quite a few hats from my dear friends at the center...a maroon turban, a crocheted stocking cap and a 'do rag :) Thank goodness I have summoned a cancer patient assist crew this weekend for an age appropriate head wear consultation session.

Love your day!
Jenn

Mama's Got a New 'Do

My biggest fears about losing my hair are:

1. I'm going to look sick
2. My kid's going to hate it

That's the truth. For me, it's not about looking good with hair. I've only straightened my hair and put on eyeliner twice in 3 months. I've happily adopted the stay at home mom uniform of yoga pants and a pony tail. With all of my crazy lady ways about obsessing on things that don't matter, for some reason, hair, makeup and fashion have not ever really been on my radar. Thank goodness...one WIN for the Kinchens...this mama's not crying about being ugly without hair.

So, just because I'm not crying about being ugly without hair doesn't mean I'm not having a pity party for myself about losing it...back to my 2 big fears...Jonathon coached me up yesterday to keep on movin' on about the hair worries:

1. I might look different, but I don't have to feel different. Hair or no hair, I control how I feel.
2. Austin's going to be fine. Having hair or not doesn't change the awesome fact that every morning I still get to run into his room and grab him out of that crib and squeeze his chubby little face against mine.

WIN. So, we made a plan...

I decided I needed to take matters into my own hands and just shave it off before it started falling out on it's own (which will be in the next week or so). Nothing would make me feel like I was really sick more than clumps of hair falling out of my head! Jonathon got his barber to open up the shop early yesterday morning for our little Kinchen clan to each get chopped up.

 

So, we can check that off the list. And so you know, Austin couldn't have cared less about my hair cut. He was happy as could be with his sucker and was ready for me to move over for his own turn with the clippers. He also told me that I look like a bald eagle. Haha. 

So, again as much as I hate to admit it, Jonathon was right again on this one. Either way, it's cold out here and I'm going to have to come up with some kind of a plan to cover this old bald eagle head up. Thank goodness I have friends more skilled in the fashion department to help me out here! Will keep you posted on how that goes...

I put on eyeliner so you can tell the difference between me and my dad :)

WIN THE DAY!
Love
Jenn

Mama's a Lucky Mama

I'm the type to stress about things that don't really matter, worry about things that will probably never happen and drive people around me nuts  about it all (I did mention I have a therapist right?!) haha. Despite all of these nutso qualities, I am extremely grateful for all that I have.  One thing I try and tell Austin often throughout the day is what a lucky mama I am...today I'm feeling pretty darn blessed with our little Kinchen family trio. Thankful for every second.

Sooo...We've made a plan for head shaving that I'll update you on later this week, but laugh of the day is that for some reason my worry about the unavoidable chemo hair loss is not that I'll be the bald lady at preschool pickup, but that I'll be the bald lady with a unibrow and mustache! Haha. Of all places to go this morning, I hit up a mall kiosk that does threading. What was I thinking?!

 

 EEEK!!

So still no chemo updates worth writing about. Feeling great. A bit tired and aches, but NOTHING compared to the red blisters I can feel forming above my eyes right now from my self inflicted obsessive compulsive eyebrow threading incident this morning :)

Love
Jenn

Race for the Cure

One of our dearest compadres pulled together a team to run the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure this morning in my honor.

I'm pretty sure he was still hammered this morning when he picked out his 5K running gear. Maybe confused it was a work day? Maybe just the only pink item he could find? Love you Rob...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some of the crew at the finish line.

Austin's bud Deacon and his family walked the family walk

I appreciate everyone so much for doing this for me, but I'm not going to lie, I chickened out. I just couldn't do it. I've done these races. I even knocked out the 60 mile 3 day walk before in honor of my mommy idol Marla Jo. They are intense. There's a lot of pink and a lot of emotions. I just couldn't muster it up to take on the crowd (and apparently, neither could half of my team because they were all hungover! haha!).

This would have been me with some runny nose crying involved.

 So, instead of joining the sea of pink, I did some yoga at home, headed over to Picnik and grabbed a Mocha Chocolatte with Chanel before heading to meet what was left of my crew to eat brunch. It was a perfect, relaxing morning with friends. Just what I needed. Plus an extra long forced hug and kiss on my girl Maaya who hates hugs.

Nothing more zen then having your obnoxious sister snapping pics of you during guided relaxation.

THANKS to my team!!! So thankful for you and proud to have you on our team.

Quick chemo update...still nothing too exciting to report :) I'm feeling great! Appetite good, very minor nausea and bone pain from the Neulasta shot. Still working out sleep issues bc of all of the crazy meds (p.s. have not taken as much as an ibuprofen in over 2 years, so these IV's and pounding of the pills has been a tough thing for me to swallow). Feeling lucky to have so many people supporting us through the adjustment as we find our new 'normal.'

Love
Jenn

The Deets

Survived the night after my first chemo treatment thanks to some really tasty homemade chicken soup...thanks 'Line! Nothing eventful to report about chemo so far at all... that's a good thing :)

 Snacks and Sesame Street in bed with mommy last night. A special treat for both of us :)

Felt great today, just still worn out from the crazy week. Austin's been in heaven (actually tag J and I on to that too!) with Granny and Aunt Stinky (I give my family members such loving nick names!) visiting this week. My mom took Austin to her house for the weekend so I can get some more rest. Chanel made me some yummy lunch and snacks while I rested then we ran errands and finally headed back to the oncologist for an injection to boost my bone marrow production. These drs. appointments seem to be never ending!! I'm looking forward to an evening in a quiet house in my pj's watching all of my Bravo with Chanel and my bestie Maaya.

 Austin living it up in the country at Granny and Paw Paw Gene's house feeding the cows and walking around the dusty trails with Aunt Boogie (yup, another loving nickname!) haha.

So...wanted to fill you in if you're interested on the details of my diagnosis and treatment. Some of it is boring and sounds all fancy, and honestly, some of it is going to change throughout this process, so just to let you know our starting point here...

1.  I have stage IIb breast cancer (substage t1n2) which means my tumor is between 2 and 5 centimeters, metastases to movable ipsilateral nodes, No distant metastases

This means my tumor is almost 4 cm...yup grew nearly .5 cm in 10 days! Its' growing quickly which is why the surgeon pulled the plug on the mastectomy because he wasn't sure he could get clear margins by removing the tumor surgically at this size and after collaborating with me and the oncologist  our best option was treating the cancer first with chemo to shrink it up and control any further spreading. The cancer has moved to the lymph nodes that the infected breast drains to, but has not spread anywhere else in my body.

This all sounds ify, but we are thinking of it as I am in the beginning stages of breast cancer, I'm young and healthy and able to take on the recommended proven treatments for the form of breast cancer I have! That sounds a lot better :) WIN!

2.  My chemo treatment is AC + Taxol (plus an additional Neulasta shot the day after each AC session)

AC is one of the five most common types of chemotherapy given to women with breast cancer. It includes two drugs: doxorubicin (Adriamycin), and cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan). The last drug: Paclitaxel (Taxol) is delivered after you've finished the AC

The "A" part both blocks DNA production in your cells, and also inhibits the enzymes responsible for repairing DNA. Cells can't live without DNA; thus when they're deprived of it, they die (in fact, some even kill themselves when their DNA is damaged). "A" can't distinguish between cancer cells and normal cells; but because cancer cells are dividing so rapidly, it has a greater negative effect on them than on your normal cells. The "C" part of this chemo combo stops cancer cells from replicating. As for "T," it slows or stops cell division, or keeps enzymes from making the proteins cells need in order to grow. So between all of these, you have some pretty powerful agents working to destroy those cancer cells.


Neulasta is a medicine used to stimulate the growth of "healthy" white blood cells in the bone marrow, once chemotherapy is given.  White blood cells help the body to fight infection. This is not a chemotherapy drug.

3. My schedule for treatments will be AC and Neulasta drugs 4 xs every other week (so every other week for the next 2 months) and then after that I start T drug every week for 12 weeks. So we are in it to win it for about the next 5 months!

Laugh for the day...again we missed the young moms with chemo day at the oncology treatment center today...Chanel almost sat on a pair of dentures someone left at the puzzle table on a Fight Cancer pamphlet. haha!

Will be posting hopefully nothing this weekend except some tired friends in pink on Sunday :)
http://www.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/AUS_AustinAffiliate?team_id=283439&pg=team&fr_id=3486

Chemo Day 1

Chemo day 1 is in the books...

Not much of an update other than that. She says she feels good, but just a little tired.   They say days 2, 3, and 4 can get a little more difficult, but we will Win those Days when and if they come....

I did want to let everyone know about a "Race for the Cure" team that my best mate Robert put together.  It means the world to me that he took the time to do this, but more than anything, that he signed up for something that happens before 9:00am.  If you know Robert, you know this is some serious business. I have only seen him get up before 9:00 am for the Kentucky Derby and a flight to Vegas.   On a serious note, its the love from our friends and family that is carrying us through this process.  Thanks Rob...Love you bro.  Thanks to everyone else who plans to participate... If you can't...just wake up on Sunday and drink a Mimosa or Bloody Mary. That means just as much....


http://www.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/AUS_AustinAffiliate?team_id=283439&pg=team&fr_id=3486

Jonathon

Won the day...

Sorry for the brief post, but I am getting back to my celebratory beer for our daily "win".

1st victory - Texas Oncology had a lot of things we had to get done before we could start chemo. It didn't seem likely that we would be able to get everything done and would most likely have to wait until Monday....but like Texas beating OU when they weren't supposed to....we found a way!  Thanks to jenns mom, chanel, lucia, hoppin house, all the brave animals at Cabellas that sacrificed their lives for the entertainment of our 2 year old, Dr. Jim, Dr. Jim's nurse, Dr. Jim's PA, Dr. Jim's office lady that hates the new calendar on iOS7 and has told us every time we are doing scheduling, the people at Austin Radiological Associates, and last but not least.......

This guy!

2nd victory - I only got yelled at by Jenn twice today....

3rd victory - The CT scan and bone density showed NO CANCER LESIONS anywhere else in the body.  This was great news to us.  We were obviously optimistic, but this cancer BS can really throw you some curveballs.  We are excited...so excited that I am going to get another beer.

We will be up early tomorrow to get Austin to school and Jenn to her first victory with chemo...

Special shoutout to Jenn's mom and sister for being so much help to us, but more specifically to Jenn.  We are extremely thankful.  I also want to thank Gene, Justice and John for loaning them to us.

Thanks again for all the love,

Jonathon

WtD

Good Morning!

After a roller coaster ride yesterday and a groggy night's sleep, we are up and at 'em at the Kinchen house! I'm a bit sore, but almost already back at full range of motion (really, the biopy sites are more sore than the port site...I guess digging around my armpit with a 4 inch needle can do that!)

So, those of you who remember back in September of good ol' 2011. Just a month before I was expected to deliver our precious baby girl, Isabella. Jonathon and I sat in the ultrasound room listening to the tech tell us that Isabella would be a really weird name for a little boy...yup...we were having a boy! I'm not going to lie, I cried. I thought about all of the long summer days planning and preparing the perfect girly nursery and hanging up all of the ruffly dresses in the baby's closet. I thought I had all my s*it together. Friends and family switched out the purple to blue, bought me a few pee pee teepees and we were set. Jonathon reminded me all we really needed were some diapers, blankets and my boobies (good thing we put those to good use before all of this mastectomy business! haha). Can't imagine now having a little girl. Of course, Austin was exactly who was meant for us.

That was the first time I can look back and remember a time that I was to learn the 'you are not in control' lesson (at least a time that I really do believe I wasn't in control...all the other times I eventually got my way. haha). There have been many times since then that the message has glared at me, but I really thought I didn't need anymore reminders. Nothing hammers in your head, 'you're not the boss here' like a newborn who's up all night, eats every 3 hours and screams anytime you try and do something that doesn't involve having him in your arms. Turns out, I needed another lesson.

Here we go...another great big reminder that although I have a lot of choices I make second to second, there is a path set for me and I cannot always be in control of where I'm headed. I think this time though, my heart really is open and accepting that I am not in control. It feels really good to let (some) of that go :) I've had lots of comfort that I am on the right path and this change in plans is no exception. I've felt since my diagnosis that I need to treat my body well and be ready to take on cancer treatment as aggressively as possible. This is the best way to do that, this is the answer, I'm on the right path.

I believe that every one of you bring a necessary piece to guide me along my intricate path. Such a random and eclectic group of people we have collected along the way. Check out the 2 signs I recently posted next to my bed

Heehee. These are 2 messages from 2 different friends and both really helped me through a bumpy night last night.

Thanks for all of your encouragement and love.
Jenn

P.S. Lots of appointments today that are necessary before chemo starts...will post any news we get from those, but probably nothing exciting.

We're home...

Change of plans...

Mastectomy has been indefinitely postponed and we are actually home.  There was a surgical procedure to install a port for chemotherapy, but that was only about 30 minutes long and we were headed home in less than 2 hours.

To catch everyone up.....

Jenn had felt some soreness in her armpit this weekend and they decided to do a biopsy of a lymph node this morning when we arrived for our scheduled surgery.  The biopsy came back positive for cancer and confirms that it has moved to at least one of her lymph nodes.  All involved felt like the best decision would be to postpone surgery and get started with Chemo (Surgery would prevent chemo from starting for another 6 weeks).  We will have some "chemo counseling" tomorrow, an EKG tomorrow and some body scans (possibly tomorrow).  Once all of that is done, we will start chemo late this week or Monday.

So...what does all of this mean?  I don't know.  No one does until we get more information....

Here is what I do know....

1. Jenn feels great...as crazy as it might sound, she is healthier than she has ever been and ready for treatment

2. Nothing has changed....I am still married to an ass-kicker that isn't discouraged and is ready for whatever is next.  Ready to "Win the Day".

3. I am starving and there is nothing to eat here but bone broth, kale, and coconut oil.

4. Jenn's only request on her way to surgery was that the staff kept her gown on so she wasn't like some lady she saw in the hall way with one of her boobies breezing in the wind

5. I got yelled at for bringing a bottle water into the pre-op room before jenn went to surgery because she was really thirsty and hungry. Thank god I kept the M&M's in my pocket.

6. No one has been here all day and the sink is still full of dishes.

7. The Anesthesiologist asked if she drank and Jenn blurted "I drink lots of wine"

8. See #5, I am getting yelled at again for eating junk.  (I hope she doesn't see the ice cream I bought on the way home)

9. Well, well, well....we are sitting here trying to come up with #9 and she just confessed to me that the anesthesiologist was hot and she was scared that she was going to tell him when she was coming out of the fog.  I thought he was dorky...Im not hating though.

10. I believe in a lot of things.  I believe in God and his blessings.  I believe that good things happen to good people.  I believe in modern medicine.  But more than anything I believe in Jennifer.  I wish you all could see how brave, determined, and courageous she is.  She is where I get my confidence that we will Win the Day.

Jonathon

Timing...

It's the day before the surgery and we are all feeling a little anxious....except for one of us, Austin. I am attempting to do a little work from home and Austin runs in repeating "Camel, Hump Day....Camel, Hump Day". He sees my computer and automatically thinks its time for youtube!

(If you have been under a rock and haven't seen this)

I really don't mind showing him the clip, but then he sees all the previews to other videos and can't just have one.  I had no choice, I had to respectively decline.  He then reached for his "undefeated move".... he started bringing me books to read.  Of course he started with the dinosaur books, but then brought a book that we used to read to him ever night when he was a baby... "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss.  This book has kinda moved to the back burner for him and its kinda crazy that he picked it today. It's a really entertaining book and has a really good message.  A perfect message today...

Out there things can happen

and frequently do

to people as brainy

and footsy as you

And when things start to happen,

don't worry. Don't stew.

Just go right along.

You'll start happening too.

I'm sorry to say so

but, sadly it's true

that Bang-ups

and Hang-ups

can happen to you.

You can get all hung up

in a prickle-ly perch.

And your gang will fly on.

You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch

with an unpleasant bump.

And the chances are, then,

that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,

you're not in for much fun.

Un-slumping yourself 

is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.

Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.

A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!

Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?

How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right..

or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?

Or go around back and sneak in from behind?

Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,

for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused 

that you'll start in to race

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

and grind in for miles across weirdish wild space,

headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.

No!

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape

all that waiting and staying.

You'll find the bright places

where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping

once more you'll ride high!

Ready for anything under the sky.

Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Whether you like it or not,

Alone will be something 

you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance

you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.

There are some, down the road between hither and yon,

that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

BUT on you will go

though the weather be foul.

On you will go

though your enemies prowl

On you will go

though the Hakken-Kraks howl.

Onward up many

a frightening creek,

though your arms may get sore

and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike

And I know you'll hike far

and face up to your problems

whatever they are.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS

So...

be your name Buxbaum or Brixby or Bray

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

you're off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So...get on your way!

This point of our lives is our "hump day".  The weekend is right around the corner..."Whoot Woo"

I have never discussed this with Jenn, but I think we read that book so much because of the message.  It's the way that I hope my son will view life. Life isn't going to be perfect along the way, but you can always overcome those obstacles.  We have preached this message to him and this is our chance to make the story come true.

Win the Day!

P.S.

I have started helping more around the house to help take some of the things off Jenns's "to-do-list".  I  am hardly putting a dent in that growing list, but its the least I can do.  Anyway, it has reminded me of a job that I had growing up for like 3 hours.  I got a job at UPS at DFW airport because they paid good, close to my dads house, 6 hour shifts, and they had some program that would reimburse for college tuition.  Training was 5 days long learning about all the different types of hazardous materials, sorting techniques, etc.  That was a breeze...  Then came the first day of actually loading a truck.... This was around the time that everyone was buying those gateway computers that came in the big boxes that looked like cows.  Those boxes never stopped coming down the shoot....never.  I'm embarrassed to say that I left for my lunch break after 3 hours of work and never went back.  Thats how I feel when it comes to dishes and laundry...who eats all the food that requires this many dishes.  Where are all these clothes coming from?  Dishes and laundry are starting to look a lot like  cow boxes.... I promise to stick it out this time!