Good Morning!

After a roller coaster ride yesterday and a groggy night's sleep, we are up and at 'em at the Kinchen house! I'm a bit sore, but almost already back at full range of motion (really, the biopy sites are more sore than the port site...I guess digging around my armpit with a 4 inch needle can do that!)

So, those of you who remember back in September of good ol' 2011. Just a month before I was expected to deliver our precious baby girl, Isabella. Jonathon and I sat in the ultrasound room listening to the tech tell us that Isabella would be a really weird name for a little boy...yup...we were having a boy! I'm not going to lie, I cried. I thought about all of the long summer days planning and preparing the perfect girly nursery and hanging up all of the ruffly dresses in the baby's closet. I thought I had all my s*it together. Friends and family switched out the purple to blue, bought me a few pee pee teepees and we were set. Jonathon reminded me all we really needed were some diapers, blankets and my boobies (good thing we put those to good use before all of this mastectomy business! haha). Can't imagine now having a little girl. Of course, Austin was exactly who was meant for us.

That was the first time I can look back and remember a time that I was to learn the 'you are not in control' lesson (at least a time that I really do believe I wasn't in control...all the other times I eventually got my way. haha). There have been many times since then that the message has glared at me, but I really thought I didn't need anymore reminders. Nothing hammers in your head, 'you're not the boss here' like a newborn who's up all night, eats every 3 hours and screams anytime you try and do something that doesn't involve having him in your arms. Turns out, I needed another lesson.

Here we go...another great big reminder that although I have a lot of choices I make second to second, there is a path set for me and I cannot always be in control of where I'm headed. I think this time though, my heart really is open and accepting that I am not in control. It feels really good to let (some) of that go :) I've had lots of comfort that I am on the right path and this change in plans is no exception. I've felt since my diagnosis that I need to treat my body well and be ready to take on cancer treatment as aggressively as possible. This is the best way to do that, this is the answer, I'm on the right path.

I believe that every one of you bring a necessary piece to guide me along my intricate path. Such a random and eclectic group of people we have collected along the way. Check out the 2 signs I recently posted next to my bed

Heehee. These are 2 messages from 2 different friends and both really helped me through a bumpy night last night.

Thanks for all of your encouragement and love.
Jenn

P.S. Lots of appointments today that are necessary before chemo starts...will post any news we get from those, but probably nothing exciting.