Had a few pity parties for myself this past week because I am totally worn down! I just have no energy. I started gradually feeling better Monday evening and a little more and more back to myself until today's infusion. Now I'm back in the dumps again. I read that chemo treatment is like body surfing. You have a little bit of calm between the waves of meds...just enough time to barely catch your breath and then BOOM, hit again with another wave of craziness that knocks you back down...looking forward to another calm time asap :) I actually feel fine (no nausea or headaches or any of the other icky stuff that came along w A/C drugs), but a few aches and pains and fatigued like I've never felt before in my life! It's totally frustrating to feel ok and want to get up and participate in life and have legs that feel like they weigh 800 lbs and eyelids that won't open. My brain wants me to get out there, but my body won't cooperate!
Austin caught me tearing up this week during a pity party and he said, 'Mom's okay, just frustrated!' Haha. Then he told me to 'Relax. Relax means to calm down' and started doing this really cute yoga pose he likes to practice and says, 'I am strong, I am bold, my own balance I can hold!' I can't take any credit for that one. It's another Sesame Street gem :) But I do have to say his timing couldn't be more impeccable.
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| Of course anytime I try to snap a pic of him doing yoga, A says 'No phone!' and collapses his pose :) |
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| Auntie Brenda was stuck in the playdough creation zone for most of her visit...and I enjoyed every minute of it while lying in bed. Haha. Austin saved the snakes she made for him in a plastic baggie :) |
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| No wonder Auntie Maaya is one of Austin's favorite main ladies!? Their love for queso is strong...he never shares w me either!! At least most of the time Auntie Maaya holds back from licking the bowl, but I wouldn't put it past her |
Saw the same dr. I saw last week (not my oncologist, but she was able to collaborate with him to make decisions). Let's start with some WINs and I'll sneak in some other stuff so you're in the know in here somewhere...
1. Got all of my labs completed that are required for billing insurance for the red blood cell boosting shot! And they all came back showing that I qualify for the med. Basically, lots of tests are needed to prove that my anemia is chemo-induced and not a result of any other issue. So, should hear back tomorrow about how that is moving forward. Unfortunately, although it is a pretty cool drug, it's not that fast-acting, so if I am able to get the med, it's going to take a while before I feel the effects.
First item found from results...my iron studies came back great. This means I have all of the iron I need in reserves and in each red blood cell that I have (all of the drs. and nurses were super impressed. One lady even said they were 'fantastic!' and had another nurse come over and look at them with her). I'd like to take some credit for this one as I do make conscious daily decisions to treat my body well with the food I eat. Thank you thank you thank you to Grandma G and Aunt Chris for the lifetime supply of daily green juices, sweet Celeste for the yummy roasted beets (she really should start a catering delivery service...her food is sooo good!) and Aunt Stinky and Uncle John for the tasty grass-fed sheep's liver. Haha. Doesn't all of that sound delish?! Well, it would if you felt like your legs weighed 800 lbs and it's one of the few things you were in control of to try and make a difference! (Plus, having no taste buds makes it a lot easier to slop up some liver!!)
Second, test results were all negative for any internal bleeding. Let's count that as a WIN too. Ha. Take 'em where we can get 'em!
Third, kidneys are alive and kicking.
2. Although I have all of the iron I need, I just don't have enough blood cells to carry it around my body! The chemo drugs have made my bone marrow production sluggish and it's just not able to keep up. My counts have dropped to a level that I qualify for the bone marrow boosting med, but not quite low enough that I need a blood transfusion...but I'm pretty darn close to needing that too!
3. We are hoping that I can continue to ride the numbers right where I am until I can get the new drug and boost numbers up. I really am not that into getting a blood transfusion. My oncologist is also hopeful that my body is still responding to the A/C left in my system and last week's dose of Taxol on top of that was just too much. The dr. I saw today actually said, 'This is totally kicking your butt.' Sometimes it's nice when a dr. speaks a language that you understand. And I did. My butt is feeling very kicked lately! haha. So, as the A/C lessens, Taxol shouldn't take as harsh of a toll on my body in future infusions. We are trusting that they know what they are talking about on this one!
3. My white counts have dropped again too meaning that I am at risk again for neutropenia (that's when white blood counts drop dangerously low and I'm at serious risk for infection). My counts in this category were so low that I actually was not in a position where my doctor would typically approve a patient to receive the dose of Taxol I got...most people would either be put on a delayed schedule of treatment or a lessened dosage of the drug...I was approved because...who knows?! I didn't ask questions. Just happy to get my butt-kicking drugs. haha. Maybe Dr. Jim approved my treatment because he's been keeping up with our blog and knows me and my crew can pull through :) Will be laying low and keeping away from pretty much any new bodies in our house for at least the next week. Sorry, our house is on lockdown friends! I'm just a few little cells away from being back in the South Austin hospital, so we are going to be extra careful this round!
4. Remember I told you about Taxol causing strange reactions. I didn't experience any breathing problems today. Thank God!! But I did have an awful reaction of sudden onset pain that started in my lower back and started creeping up my lower ribs. It wasn't unbearable, just kind of scary because it happened so fast. The nurses immediately shut off my drip, checked my vitals, popped me some Tylenol and then went back to dripping it super slow after the pain subsided. No more problems after that! (I honestly was more worried that my mom might have a heart attack than anything that could go wrong withe me! Haha. She is pushing 50 and I had to get some of those crazy lady anxious ways from somewhere?!) The nurse explained that infusion rates can cause different reactions, so for me, we now know that we have to start this drug super slow and gradually increase the drip to tolerance rather than just cranking it up.
So...Kinchens are winning over here?! Haha. It sounds rocky, and it's definitely not all rainbows and butterflies, but we are feeling pretty darn blessed. Still on track to take the max dose of Taxol proven to keep me cancer free in the future, still able to hangout at home with my crazy crew and, as always, still working daily on the lesson in control. Loving this sent today from another one of our favorite mommy friends 'Cia'
"Much, much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times have come. One of the main ways I assert My sovereignty is in the timing of events. If you want to stay close to Me and do things My way, ask Me to show you the path forward moment by moment. Instead of dashing headlong toward your goal, let Me set the pace. Slow down, and enjoy the journey in My Presence.'
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| How cute is Cia's little angel, Pia, in her 'Win the Day' sweatshirt Grma and Gmpa sent for her (they call her Austin's girlfriend...I think they are hopeful he will one day bring home a pretty smart Mexican girl who speaks Spanish!) Haha. |
WIN THE DAY (or moment!!!)
Lots of Love!
Jenn
P.S. We are soooo far behind in our thank you's lately...sorry if I haven't gotten to you for all of the love you've shown us...lifting a finger to write has been just as hard as getting my legs to walk to the bathroom...and right now being bald and peeing my pants is just not an option. I'm putting my energy toward winning that moment first, then getting some stamps to mail out thank you notes. hahaha.
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