Finally! A GOLD STAR!!

Well, give a control freak a situation that they have very little control over something that she might have a little bit of control over in the siutation (like stretching and working a post-operative chest/arm while sitting at home for a week) and what do you get?! A girl with a post-operative chest and arm that is back to (just about) full range of motion with no pain meds needed and a very shocked and pleased surgeon. haha. Dr. Markus was over the moon when he asked me to try and lift my arm so he could show me some stretches to work on at home and I actually could lift my arm all the way up and out and around like it ain't no thing. Wound healing wise, I'm right on track. Got my drains removed. And activity wise, I'm about where I should be in 4-6 weeks post-op after just 1 short week. haha. I'm feeling great. Was expecting to be working toward getting back to normal this week, but I am almost there already! Yay!! Again, contributing a lot of this quick healing and restoration to healthy eating and lifestyle choices...lots of healthy real whole foods and been trying my very very best to be as active as I can with yoga and walking these past 5 months (which includes lots of practice isolating and stretching parts of your body). Yessss...finally....Righty got a good report card from a doc in something!! haha.

I also have a little bit of info updated from Dr. Jim, my oncologist...
Still waiting on a few results from pathology reports on my tumors (I think I forgot to mention before that there was a very small second lesion found-3 mm- near the 3.1 cm mass). He is referring me to a breast cancer center out of town for a board of experts to review my case and make sure that we have exhausted our options as far as systemic treatment goes and get the best treatment plan together for us to jump into in a month. I will be heading out of town to meet some new specialists in the near future. Because my case is so unique, we want to get as many eyes and opinions on me as possible. We are off the course on the map here as far as triple negative breast cancer treatment goes. There is no standard of care from here on out for me. Of course, it's not awesome to be a case that needs a board of experts to consult with (p.s. I was also the case study today presented for a big presentation at the hospital by Dr. Jim and Dr. Markus), but it's pretty awesome to have an oncologist who takes care of gathering all of the opinions he can and to have so many options and resources available to us. Again, we are heading into this next phase of treatment in a great position with good reason to have very high hopes that any further treatment will be beneficial, but no reason to believe that I have residual disease or matastatic lesions in my body right now. WIN.

I will keep you posted with some of the trouble we get ourselves into while on 'vacay' this month :)

WIN the day
Love
Jenn

Decisions, decisions...

Been a minute since I promised to update everyone on pathology reports from my surgeon and oncologist. Heard back from my surgeon bright and early Wednesday morning (like so bright and early I could hear his kids at his house in the background getting ready for school!) with some great news...clear margins on my breast tissue removal and my lymph nodes were FREE AND CLEAR OF CANCER!! YAY! He removed 15 nodes and they were all clear. This is huge. I'll explain why later...
My surgeon's job is local control (right breast). From his perspective, the results were AWESOME! I left that hospital right breast cancer free! Yay! Happy dance. I was happy, but kind of expected those results since I left the hospital without a right breast, but apparently, that's not always the case. WIN! But there was another piece of info received from the pathology that had me all worked up and a bit nervous...the cancerous breast tumor removed measured 3.1 cm (the MRI I had done a couple of weeks ago measured 1.95 cm). Bigger. Yikes. So, didn't want to get any of your panties in a wad like mine were about this news until I heard back from my oncologist about what all of this means regarding systemic cancer treatment (my whole body and future prognosis, not just my right breast right now).

Thought I would break this boring cancer stuff up for a sec with a pic of our awesome kid. He put on Auntie Maaya's boots (on the wrong feet!) and asked for a cape like Super Grover. haha.

 Finally heard back from Dr. Jim yesterday evening about the results and the plan moving forward.

1.  We made the absolute right decision about cutting chemo short and going straight to surgery
2.  Although the imaging that I had done indicated size changes in my breast tumor when compared to the pathology reports, these are not necessarily accurate comparisons because of different tools used and people doing the measuring. The real indication of changes in the tumor were his examinations and my own descriptions. Thank God I'm not afraid of being the annoying crazy lady who tells people and asks questions about things that sound paranoid and very unlikely. I was told once the treatment started working it would be highly unlikely for my cancer to grow back, but I knew something was different. If I would not have pushed this and my team was not quickly responsive, we may have been too late in our opportunity to remove my tumor and my lymph nodes may not have been clear. We might have been back to square one or worse. Thank you God for the 'Don't Worry' lesson. Although it sounds counter productive, sometimes the only way I can alleviate my anxiety is to just ask the silly question that's bothering me (over and over) and sometimes this has involved forcing breast exams on any professional (or friend!) I can get to feel my boobies. haha.
3.  It's amazing news that my nodes were free of cancer. In November, I had cancerous lymph nodes. The treatment was effective against these cells. Breast cancer travels from the breast to the lymph nodes and from there to metastatic cancer (lesions in other parts of the body-lungs, bones, brain, etc.). The pathology showed my nodes were free of cancer which indicates that any cancer cells that may have traveled outside of my nodes would have been an even smaller volume and have most likely been killed also.
4.  My chemo summary...what has likely happened is that my cancer had a good response to A/C drugs, but there were still cells living after that drug was completed and during my Taxol infusions, those cells survived and started to grow again. My cancer is resistant to A/C and T treatments.
5.  Even though I might not have any cancer cells floating around anywhere in my body, we are still pursuing additional systemic chemo treatment. It might not be treatment that is necessary, but no one's willing to take that risk. I have not completed a standard chemo treatment yet because we cut mine short for surgery and I have a very aggressive cancer that was not fully responsive and resistant to the treatment I did receive. There is a chance that these cells are still in my body. Following chemo treatment, he is also recommending radiation therapy in my right breast.
6.  Dr. Jim was in contact with several professionals and breast cancer centers around the state after receiving my pathology reports to research and cover our bases on all of the options out there that are possible for treating triple negative breast cancer that is resistant to both A/C and T (I haven't done a ton of reading on this site, so not sure if recommended, but if you're interested, here's a link and you can print a file about triple negative breast cancer). There are options that Dr. Jim can offer to me at his facility, but there are also options that may serve me better that would be available somewhere else. There are also clinical trials that are out there. It's all still up in the air. I have a formal appointment with Dr. Jim on Monday to have a heart to heart about where to go next with all of this (I wonder if he will be relieved that I will no longer be requesting that Righty get a pat down during our visits?!). Again, we are feeling very very fortunate to be in such a good position moving on to this next phase of treatment and also to have options!!!
7.  We have some time before we will make our next move on this decision because I have 4 more weeks post-operative time before I can take any chemo drugs so my body can recover fully from surgery and be ready to take on the drugs. Woohoo. A month's vacay :) Bone broth, green juice and maybe a few glasses of wine on a patio are definitely in my future!

That was a mouthful. It always shocks me how much happens so fast with all of this cancer business and really, just life in general.

Surgery recovery update...
I'm feeling GREAT! Had tons of help with Austin this week. I'm still a bit sore, but switched to taking an Aleve in the morning and one at night once I came home for pain and haven't had much else to complain about (other than how annoying the drains are and can't wait to get rid of them so I can sleep on my stomach again!). I can move around and do about anything I need done around here...just a bit slower than I used to :) After getting over the overwhelming feeling of not knowing exactly what's next, I got my act together this weekend and spent some watching bad movies with 'Line and Stinky, time at the market with mom and outside on the patio reading and enjoying the awesome Austin spring weather.

Poor Aunt Boogie just trying to enjoy a nice after school video game break. haha. Did I mention she's Austin's favorite person in the world?!

I'm not quite sure where we are on the path, but somewhere along and in the midst of that crazy squiggly line, we are there...

Will keep you posted on happenings at the Kinchen house after all of my Monday follow up appointments!

Love-
Jenn

Mama's home!

Frozen blueberries! Yummm. Don't you just love nap time hair?!

I'm back settling in at home. A little sore and super tired...couldn't sleep at the hospital at all (even under all of the heavy duty narcotics!). My mom was pretty much staring at me to make sure I was breathing the whole time. My parents have really been through the wringer with this damn cancer business. The procedure went well and so has my day 2 recovery. Aunt Stinky hooked me up with a sweet recliner and table setup complete with some cozy blankies and all of my meds, chargers and remotes right at my fingertips. Aaaaahhhh. Do you think asking her for a foot rub would be crossing the line?! haha. I won't push my luck.

As far as how things look, I'm all bandaged up and have 2 drains to help drain excess fluid from my wounds on the right side (an awesome friend of mine made the most amazing shirts for me with pockets sewed in them to hold the drains and velcro straps so I can slip them easily on and off) and I also have a small incision on my left side from my new port installation (now that my right side lymph nodes have been removed, that side of my body is extremely sensitive and susceptible to swelling with the tiniest little pin prick or scratch, so chemo infusions in the old right side port were not an option anymore). Chanel says that when I have on a shirt, my caved in righty looks pretty much the same as my normal lefty. I'm pretty sure she was saying that Righty didn't have much to give up in the first place. What a bratty little sister! ha!

Dr. Jim came by the hospital late last night to check in on me. He let us know that he will be in touch the second the pathology reports come in and we will consult about our next step in the treatment plan then. Kind of made me tear up a little (happy thankful tears). My family is feeling very very fortunate for the team caring for me. They go above and beyond for us. Cancer recovery treatment requires a collaborative team effort and both my surgeon and oncologist are in constant touch with each other (and me) to make the best decisions we can make.

So...hopefully, I will be getting some rest at home this week and will keep you posted on any new news that we find out about our plan of action as it develops...for now, I will be trying to figure out how to get all of the special treatment I can from Aunt Stinky without triggering her to put a pillow over my head tonight. ha!

WIN the day!
Jenn

It's me...boring Jonathon.  I haven't been around since the last time we were supposed to have surgery, but I am back with good news.  Jenn is out of surgery and in recovery tormenting some nurse for water instead of those pesky ice chips.  She is without a doubt the most thirsty human being I have ever been around.  I have seen football players during two-a-days need less water than she needs while watching an episode of Real Housewives snuggly in her bed.  She doesnt just get thirsty, but she gets violent about it.... Anyway, Dr. Markus just came and debriefed us on the surgery and said it went smooth.  They did decide to move her port to the other side for any subsequent chemo treatments.  The assumption is there will be a few more of those since we missed the final three to go ahead and get rid of "Rightie".  Dr. Markus sent the whole specimen off for a pathology report that likely isn't that important.  Essentially, they will be able to learn more about the mass and it will eliminate some of the uncertainty of what that little joker was actually doing.... no one seems to think there will be any ground breaking discoveries. The pathology report will be back on Thursday-ish and we will see the oncologist on Monday.

WE really love you guys and are so thankful for your support....I am sure she will update you a little more later, but I just wanted to keep everyone in the loop.

J

Bye Bye Rightie...

Had a great weekend!

First celebrated Aunt Stinky's birthday with my awesome little sister Justice. Sooo fun. She's totally 100% herself and honest which I'm so proud of her for...I wish we could all be like her! Until then, I'm hanging out with more 10 year olds. I have absolutely no anxiety around her at all. She was the perfect visitor for me this weekend. Plus, she chased Austin around and wore him out for me too :)

Another fun sister pic from our wedding. Can't believe we are rounding in on 6 years of marriage this summer! Dang, this makes me really miss my eyebrows and eyelashes :)

Jonathon made a quick trip to Mexico last week and came back just in time to man the Austin ship at home so I could get together with a few of my favorite people in the world. Took a short trip out to Driftwood and enjoyed the pretty scenery and wine (and 2 coolers full of snacks).

I am so sad that I have to miss Ape's bachelorette party next weekend because I will be recovering from surgery. I had to bring weenie gear for us to wear. P.S. weenie headbands are not the most comfortable thing to wear on a bald head.

Right before we left, Brenda reminded me that these would be my last pics with them with my right booby still in tact. They copped a feel to document the occasion. haha. Then some random girls who took the pics for us wanted to jump in the shot too. Who is the strange blonde lady with her hand on the wrong boob?! haha.

Love these girls. Really, I know I say it all the time, but I really do have the best friends who show up for us at the perfect times. I am so thankful for them.

Sooo...as you can see...I did absolutely NOTHING this weekend related to planning for my surgery Monday morning!! I honest to God still do not have my hospital bag packed. Those of you who really know me probably don't believe me. It's true. Last go 'round in November, I had lists of things to do, tons of bags packed for both me and Austin, groceries piled up that would have lasted us a month and spent so much time preparing and preparing for me to be down and out for a while. I decided this time, my crew has things handled (I'm still pretty sure later tonight I'll send out some kind of wacky reminder email with a list of what not to feed my kid). This past 5 months has prepped our family and friends to step in and take over (and for me to give up) some of my duties...and also prepped me to accept that some things that I used to find necessary to do to alleviate my anxiety (like obsessively scrubbing the shower grout or color code my sock drawer) just really aren't all that important right now...not to say that I still don't love me a color coding drawer. I decided that what I really needed this weekend was to rest and have a good time (although I didn't get much rest because April and I stayed up all night giggling), so at least I had a good time :) I'm pretty sure I'll get plenty of drug induced rest tomorrow!

So what's going on with my surgery planned for tomorrow morning??
-It's tomorrow morning (Monday 3/24). I'm having a right breast modified radical mastectomy (surgeon is removing my entire right breast and all of the lymph nodes on my right side).
-No reconstruction surgery this time...just like in November when we first planned surgery, this time I have to be back to be able to handle more chemo treatments asap
-Procedure should take about 1.5 hours
-I'll stay one night in the hospital (more if needed, but doubtful) and come home with 2 drains attached to the wound areas that will probably be removed in about a week. I'll see my surgeon then to check everything out, have the drains removed and start rehab to stretch the area to reduce scar tissue
-Surgeon expects that after a week I will be back to feeling like myself and doing normal things around the house that I can do now. I will have a few restrictions beyond a week and a ton of things that I'm sure will be very annoying, but as long as everything is healing well, the surgery shouldn't be too tough as far as immediate recovery goes
-I see Dr. Jim, my oncologist, next Monday 3/31 to review the pathology reports from the tissue removed during the surgery and game plan what chemo drugs and how many more rounds of them that I will need to take

So...there's a plan...who knows if that will be the plan at 10 am tomorrow, but for now, that's the plan! We are asking for no visitors at the hospital or for the first week at home. My system will really be down for the count between the effects of chemo and surgery and I got a whistle to blow when I need Jonathon to come help me get up. haha. I do think that we will add some things that we can use help with on the care calendar and re-post that later next week if you're looking for ways to give us a hand, but for now, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all of your thoughts and prayers. I can't tell you how much that means to us.

We will be WINNING the night and day here at the Kinchen house. I think I'll start with packing my hospital bag (or watching an episode of Real Housewives of New York)!!

Love
Jenn

Surgery update

 Jonathon and I met with my surgeon Weds.

First off, he was THRILLED at how much smaller my tumor is today. The last time he saw me in the hospital, he basically told me that after he performed the ultrasound on the mass before I thought he was taking me back in for the planned mastectomy, he went into the room next to me and said, 'oh shit.' He had to come back into my room and tell me that my cancer was worse than he thought and I had an inoperable tumor. He and my oncologist did every dang thing they could to get me into immediate cancer treatment and shrink the mass down. It worked. My tumor is much much smaller than the last time he saw me! From his last ultrasound in November, the mass is almost 75% smaller. Wow. He actually started jumping up and down and did some kind of version of a 'happy dance.' An older white guy nerdy surgeon version. haha. It made us feel much better about the last 5 months of the crazy chemo ups and downs.

So from his perspective (what he could see before chemo compared to the exam this week), what he knows is that my tumor has responded to chemo and I should keep on keepin on with what's working until my treatment is complete and then come back in a month for surgery. BUT taking into consideration that both I and my oncologist report that this mass has changed in the past month and we can't really identify what about it has changed (either non-responsive to treatment or just some palpable necrosis and scar tissue) and also taking into consideration that the last time I told him that my tumor was growing, it really was growing and before we got me into the operating room a week after I told him it was growing, it was too big AND I had a palpable lymph node, he consulted one more time after my appointment with my oncologist and everyone agreed that the best decision is to go ahead with surgery right now that we know for sure the mass is operable (in fact, it's small enough that I am a candidate for a simple lumpectomy!). P.S. I'm definitely NOT having a lumpectomy. More on my surgery decision and plan later...

Are these the best circumstances no, but we are definitely in a better position than I was in November, so WIN. This was for sure the best appointment I've had with my surgeon to date...better than the biopsy appointment, also better than the time he told me I had cancer, and the last time I saw him, he told me that my cancer was actually even less awesome than he told me 10 days prior...so leaving there with a smaller operable tumor and a plan to get this baby out of here and get my butt back to the oncology center for more cancer treatment was not the worst thing that's ever happened to us in that office :)

So...my surgery is scheduled for bright and early Monday morning. I am feeling very behind in planning for this, but very grateful that it's in the books so quickly. I will update you with more details on the procedure and how you can help if you're looking for how to help us this weekend...it's Aunt Stinky's big 3-1 birthday, so we are having a sister celebration extravaganza. No time to talk about cancer right now, Justice and I have slumber party games to plan :)

WIN THE DAY!
Jenn

A worthy cause

This organization has been amazing for our family...and they even have a very special patient navigator who organizes a group for women under 40 in Austin who are breast cancer survivors (The Pink Ribbon Cowgirls). There are over 500 members of this group. Pretty crazy. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one like me when I look around the oncology center, but this group reminds me that I'm not!

If you have a second tonight from 9-10 pm, just a $10 donation could make a huge difference for this group. All of their services are without cost and can make a huge difference in a woman's (just like me!) life.

Here's the info...

Amplify Austin starts tonight!  BCRC is a service organization.  Funds raised will stay here locally and go towards direct services like patient navigation and support groups like the PRC! 

ARE YOU READY TO ROCK? SET YOUR ALARM: Thursday, March 20th between 9pm and 10pm! Get ready Rockstars because today we'll be rockin' out for Amplify Austin and you can help us kick things off by winning a "most number of unique donations" Power Hour Challenge & the $1,000 prize that goes with it. You can get this party started by making a donation through our Amplify Austin page between 9pm and 10pm on Thursday night, March 20th! If we all pull together, this hour will belong to BCRC! What's more, every dollar of your gift to BCRC will be matched by $0.50 from the St. David's Foundation. If there was ever a time to give to our cause, why not give when your money simply goes further!!

Reach Out to all the Rockstars You Know! Do you know 10 people who have $10 to help others? Get your family, friends, coworkers, your doctor, your mailman, your dry cleaner, and anyone else you know to rock with us on Thursday night!   Post a status update about your #AmplifyATX plan to give to BCRC on Thursday, March 20th between 9 and 10pm. Share the post with at least 10 of your friends on Facebook and encourage them to donate with you or schedule their own donation!  The minimum gift is only $10 and our objective on Thursday night is - VOLUME - to have the most number of unique gifts in one hour. AMPLIFY the VOLUME! ROCK the HOUSE for BCRC!

Who wants to change the subject?

I do. Let's talk about how cute my family (and husband...sometimes), but mostly my kid are for a second...

Austin's birthday. Jonathon was so excited Austin was holding onto his finger. Didn't have the heart to tell him it's a newborn reflex. haha.

 

 

 

Austin's first birthday. He's obviously into it.

By the 2nd bday, we ditched the photographer and I'm pretty sure Dad was passed out in the car. Haha. Hopefully, we remember to get Austin out of the car for his 3rd party :)

Love
Jenn

Abraxane was a BUST...

Well, not really...it's kind of one of those long cancer stories that I hate catching you up on because a lot has happened in a really short time. It's overwhelming and not much of it sounds awesome. But, let me start you out with something that is awesome that I do know...
I'M GOING TO BE OKAY
...a lot is still up in the air, but here's where we are at now...

I've heard from a few of you that my obsessive compulsive personality really shines on our blog. My neuroses are hard to hide here. One of my fan favorite things to hear is how I make Dr. Jim feel my booby every dang time I see him with the same 'everything's great' update every dang time. I haven't had the nerve to feel for myself in months. I trust that the professional booby feelers know their stuff and will let me know if I need to worry. Finally, took a little of this responsibility on myself (really, only because Dr. Jim's been out of town), and here's the time line:

-3 weeks ago, things started to feel different in my right breast again. Got the nerve to feel, but not anything I could find to worry too much about

-2 weeks ago, felt around again because I was feeling sore and just different in my breast. Found a small lump right where the old one was. Still wasn't sure if it was
1. nothing to worry about because it really was nothing
2. nothing to worry about because something that's always been there since treatment shrunk it down
3. something new, but nothing to worry about
Can you tell that I really tried to focus on the 'don't worry' part of anything that it might be :) Since of course I was worried, but knew there was something I could do about it, decided to just put it on the agenda for the next week's appointment

-1 week ago, my oncologist is on vacation, but got in to see the physician's assistant. She ordered a breast MRI, mammogram (blech!!), and ultrasound. Got all of these done last week. To make this post as short as possible because there is so much to catch you up on, I won't go into detail about how I called the paramedic squad in 3 times while 'practicing' on the emergency button for my MRI or almost got escorted out of a building because of my protest against the ordered mammogram. Gosh, I really am kind of cooky. Putting some of my happenings in writing cracks me up sometimes. And kind of makes me wonder how some of you still want to be seen in public with me!!

I did hear back last week from the physician's assistant and she was in touch with poor Dr. Jim about this cooky patient while he was on vacay and both wanted to assure me that there was nothing to worry about. I was pretty sure that I was going to worry until Dr. Jim got his hands on my booby again and felt this thing for himself.

So...notes from my appointment today with the physician's assistant and Dr. Jim...

1. I have a very aggressive cancer. I had symptoms that typically aren't seen in early stage breast cancers in an early stage. My cancer is quick growing. With that said, my cancer has had a very good response to my chemo treatment. The scans show that my mass is about half the size it was before starting chemo treatment.

2. Dr. Jim has felt a palpable mass the whole way along during chemo treatment (I have not copped a feel myself until recently, so I can't comment on how things have changed along the way), but he did report that the mass does feel different from the last time he examined me.

3. It would be highly unlikely that the cancer has become non-responsive to treatment. It would be more likely that the changes are due to necrosis (dying tissue) or scar tissue, but this is difficult to tell from the images on the scans. In my own words, they can still see that the mass has disease (it's still a cancerous mass), but can't differentiate some of the surrounding tissues to tell where cancer cells end and other tissues begin

4. Based on what happened 5 months ago (when I was scheduled for a mastectomy and literally, seconds before I was going to be wheeled in for the surgery, the surgeon pulled the plug because the tumor had become too large in 10 short days to get clear margins), the benefits of ending chemotherapy right now and getting me into surgery to remove the mass as soon as possible outweighs risks of continuing on with chemo and possibly being back to square one or worse with a tumor again that is larger and inoperable and scrambling to find a drug that my cancer is responsive to (p.s. I've had my lifetime dose of the first drug A/C that I took...it's powerful stuff against cancer...and hearts! Any more of that one could do irreversible damage to my heart, so that one's not an option again)

5. The plan is to:
-Get me back into my surgeon's office to schedule a lymph node assessment and right breast mastectomy to hopefully be scheduled Monday (YES, like 7 days!). Enough time for my blood counts to bounce back up, but not too much time for cancer to act back up :)
-Based on the pathology reports on the mass, we will know more about whether or not the cancer is responsive or not to Abraxane and once I am healed enough from surgery, we will be back at it again for...dun dun dun...MORE CHEMO! Either more Abraxane or more of something else that they hope will work to keep me cancer free in the future

Sooo...EEEK! This stuff is no joke! I'm pretty worn out from these past 2 weeks, but know that this stuff is beyond my control, but what is...keep myself healthy and get my butt in gear and ready for a big surgery, recovery and more chemo treatment...check, check and check.

Like I said, I am going to be okay. I have faith in God, my team (I'm counting you in there with the same importance as Dr. Jim!) and myself. And I know another little guy that has a lot of faith that I'm going to be okay too, or at least is going to insist that I'm okay enough to make him some dinner in an hour, so no time for pity parties here!

We are going to be keepin on keepin on here in the Kinchen house. Will update you on Weds with details from surgeon appointment.

WIN THE DAY
Jenn

My Gramma's cooler than yours

Austin loves visits from Grandma 'Lespie, but not so much holding still to take pics! Haha. These are the best we could do...

SXSW has kicked off here in Austin and the city is crazy and full of all kinds of interesting people and things to do...Gramma went yesterday to see Jimmy Kimmel tape. How cool is she? Well, way cooler than me. I was taking a nap and watching a Housewives of NY rerun. Haha. Like I said, Spring Break 2015 can really only go up for me from here. 

We've had lots of visitors come through and darnit if we seriously didn't get one dang photo of our awesome friends and family. Uncle Marc (Jonathon's big brother) played a show for the festival this week, so he had a chance to swing by between LA and London (yeah, our Gramma AND our brother's probably cooler than yours. haha.), which also brought along a visit from Grandpa Ralph and KoRi (that's Kojo and Tori) and Uncle Dante who we haven't seen in years. I didn't get a chance to catch up much because I had a few doctors appointments I will fill you in on later, but one event I did not miss was a trip to Lockhart, TX to Smitty's meat market. Yummmm. Seriously, we did not get a single picture of Austin with Uncle Marc, but I have about 50 shots of our barbeque order. Hahaha. These are the kinds of memories Austin will have in his baby book.

Don't you wish you could have smell-o-vision right now?? I probably still smell like pit smoke even after 2 showers since then!

Obviously we are WINNING the day over here at the Kinchen house.
Love
Jenn

4 down...3 to go!

4th Abraxane infusion in the books. 3 to go from here. Fastest visit to the oncology center EVER. Bestie Maaya joined me for this round and we were in and out in 2 hours. WIN. Never really imagined us spending the first day of spring break together in a chemotherapy infusion room. We've traveled the world together and had some pretty crazy times over the last 10 years. The 30's have really put a damper on our vacays. Although, I did show my boobs to the nurse practitioner for an exam today, so that should count for something, right?! Spring Break 2015 can only go up from here :)

It's pretty amazing how potent this tiny little drop of medicine is that they give me (only takes 30 minutes to administer and looks like a drop of milk in a bag)...because it's protein bound, it absorbs into the body very quickly and efficiently unlike the more toxic cremophor bound paxlitaxel I was taking before that took forever and is mixed into a much larger volume of liquid. Basically get the same drug with the same outcomes regarding cancer treatment from both. Crazy. I was pretty worn out today, barely breathed a word to Maaya (except to tell her to go find a magazine or something if she was bored because I wasn't going to be talking to her) from the time I got in the comfy infusion chair to the time she got me back in my front door when it was all over.

Or if I can sleep in the middle of the day, in public, with the lights on and my mouth open drooling with you sitting next to me and not even think twice about it or feel like I have to talk to you at all  :)

Feeling very thankful for Austin's main lady, Auntie Maaya. She's one of those friends who's there when you need her, whether you ask her to or not. haha. She is a part of our family. Every night when I put Austin down for the night, I tell him what I'm thankful for that day and then he tells me one thing that he is thankful for too...can't tell you how many times he's mentioned Auntie Maaya (usually something to do with sharing snacks with her. haha), nonetheless, our family thanks God for her (and her generosity) on the regular.

WIN the day
Jenn

Big boy!

Austin's growing and changing everyday. Pictures like this scare the heck out of me...looking more and more like a big boy...

And so am I! haha. checkout the back of my head. Hair is coming in fast and steady. Wish I could say the same for my eyebrows and eyelashes. waaaah. I miss my eyebrows! Not having them has really sealed the deal on me looking like a chemo patient. And those dang eyelashes. Did you know that they serve an actual functional purpose?! They protect your eyes from dust and allergens. And when you don't have them, it sucks. I luckily still have a layer of the short straight ones that line my eyelids, so I can't complain too much about the suckiness of this category, but my pretty long black curly lashes are gone. There might be one or two left behind, but those stragglers just look pathetic without their friends lined up next to them. Eyelashes take a team effort in both the looks and functionality categories. 2 just don't cut it. I wish I would've appreciated them more when they were around. I can't wait for them to come back. I'll be the most enthusiastic girl you've ever heard talk about how awesome her eyelashes are EVER :)

Appreciate something or someone you've taken for granted today!!
Love
Jenn

3 down...4 to go!

FINALLY got past the round 5 hump. Seemed like we've been stuck on #5 FOREVER.

Nothing eventful to report. Infusion went well and we were in and out of the center in under 3 hours. No doctor's appointment today, so went pretty quickly. HUGE WIN. But now I'm pumped up with steroids and can't stop capitalizing EVERYTHING. haha.

Aunt Stinky took Austin out this evening and helped get him off to bed so I could rest. Would definitely have been a challenging day without her here. I feel okay, just really worn out and having some joint/bone pain that's not the most awesome thing in the world.

One thing that is the most awesome thing in the world is Chanel's bestie from growing up, Paige (she's equivalent in Chanel's life as my bestie April is in mine), welcomed the sweetest baby girl into the world last week and I got my hands on her for a few minutes while we were in Houston. We brought her a bunch of Austin's old baby stuff to add to the huge amount of junk you collect when you have a baby and she just sent me a pic of Ellery lounging in Austin's little lamb chair. She is the most gorgeous little girl in the world. I was totally holding back tears of joy the whole time I was watching Paige as a mommy. Okay, I'm lying. I totally cried right next to her on her bed while I was staring at her holding the baby. haha. I told her it was too weird because since she grew up in my house as a second little sister I have her stuck at a late middle school/early high school age, not a wife/mommy age. But she's going to be a great one. I'm so proud of her!

Austin on the left, Ellery right...look at all that hair!!

I would also like to share with you the most awesome quote from a new mom EVER. Paige with 10 day old Ellery in her arms, "My body's like really craving an 8 hour sleep!" haha. I promised her that she would get that eventually...I didn't tell her how long it would take, but that's not really something mom's with 10 day olds need to hear the truth about. haha. Those hormones can make a mama slap a visitor for sharing details like that...I just stuck as much as possible to staring and cooing.

Headed to cozy up in my bed and watch those crazy Housewives of Beverly Hills on Bravo rock their wigs and crazy lady ways of their own. We are planning on an ice day here in Austin tomorrow...preschool announced a late start already! Eek! Please no ice day, please no ice day...it just really doesn't sound as much fun as they used to sound when I was a student or even a teacher :)

LOVE
Jenn

Survived!

No...not chemo...a movie theater! While Aunt Stinky and I spent the day in Houston, Jonathon was holding down the fort with Austin and was super excited to take him to the movies for the first time. Jonathon LOVES going to the movies. And I am the worst movie partner ever. I HATE sitting in the movies. I can't even sit at home and watch a movie on my own tv. Finally, J has a little partner in crime getting of an age where he can be groomed to enjoy a leisurely Saturday afternoon film!!

It was really cute, Dad wanted to make sure that he had all of the appropriate healthy snacks to sneak into the movie theater because he knows how badly sugar and food dyes can go with our little guy who rarely eats sugar or food dyes (it's bad, like really bad. He seriously turns into a monster child. He sent me a pic to check if there was anything else he should bring to make it through 2 hours of sitting in a quiet chair. I know most of you think we are weird and over-analyzing, but high fructose corn syrup is not a friend in our house...especially if you're on your own with the sugar maniac for 8 hours!) haha. I thought this was really cute. And I'm sure a few m&ms were snuck in there too. We are not totally psycho. A couple of m&ms never hurt anybody...unless they're colored with red40...just kidding...kind of kidding...okay not really kidding :)

They had the best time.

WIN!!

Wigging out

So...I have a wig. I've had it for a while. Some of you remember when I was first getting started with all of the chemo and bald business, I shaved my head and went wig shopping with my dream team. After deciding what I wanted, Jonathon's sweet sister in law ordered me a gorgeous (and expensive) piece that looks just like my old hair. I've had it for months. I've never even taken it out of the package. Well, actually I did. I sent it to a friend who knows all about fancy hair fixin up and she cleaned it up and got it lookin good. Just good enough for me to put right back on the shelf and peek at it every once in a while!

I'm glad I have it so I have the option to wear hair if I wanted to, but there's just something about having a wig on that makes me feel not like myself. Or like I'm trying to be back to my old self that's just not my real self anymore. I feel like it brings attention to me. Even wearing a scarf on my head makes me feel self conscious and extra chemo patient-y. haha. I just want to be as normal as possible and fly under the radar as a weird hardcore south Austin chick with a shaved head by choice (which is totally an everyday normal thing in our hood...even at the barber shop!!) haha. If only I had eyebrows and didn't have the pale chemo flushed look, this would doable in the awesome diverse funky city we live in...it's the perfect place for an undercover chemo patient. Austin frequently pulls my hat off my head at the grocery store and blows my hardcore chick cover by showing everyone my patchy chemo head fuzz. haha. Really, this is not about looking 'good' to me at all. It's about trying to be whatever I have in my mind 'normal' is for me. Don't care what I look like as long as people aren't looking at me like I'm sick or feeling sorry for me. So, glad I have the wig so that I don't feel like being bald isn't a choice for me, but can't get myself to wear it because I feel like I'm bald trying to look like I have hair. In a bad way. Not the way the swanky housewives of Beverly Hills look on Bravo.

More grateful than ever that I have many friends with many things to celebrate happening in their lives these days. But sometimes it means people fix their hair and put on makeup to go to these celebrations. haha. I've never really been a fan of either of these things. Now, I really hate it.

My bestie from growing up is getting married next month. Soooo excited for her. We have been friends for more than 20 years! The first thing I thought when she told me she was engaged was how much fun all of the party planning was going to be with her awesome family (and then of course, the actual partying right alongside my favorite party girl herself!).

Can't believe the pic on top is almost 20 years old?! We kind of look the same now, right? haha. Well, we still act the same sometimes. Minus the tans (no need for cancer references please, we've both obviously given up the bad habit)

Apes has celebrated and helped to get me through every dang life changing event that I've had in the last 20 years right by my side. I was thrilled when she got engaged because I couldn't wait to help to celebrate something amazing happening in her life! Her big girly wedding shower was this weekend and although I was excited to see her and her family, I was really dreading the whole getting dressed, fixing my hair and putting on makeup thing (but sooo thankful that I was feeling well enough to go!! Yay!! Super tired, but not enough to stop me from making the trip!!). Before heading to Houston for the party, I tried my wig on for both Jonathon and Chanel and both said I should just skip it and wear a scarf or my trusty black beanie. I was mad at both of them. I cried. I wanted them to say I looked normal and would just be recognized as old high school Jenn. I went to my closet by myself to have 30 more seconds of a pity party and then got my ass in gear so we could get on the road for the shin dig. I packed the wig, heels and an appropriate cutesy wedding shower dress to haul to Houston (along with a backup scarf, ballet flats and a comfy pair of skinny jeans) because I wasn't convinced that they were right yet. I knew I had 2.5 hours of a car ride with Chanel to think about it.

Turns out, I knew before we got to our first Buckee's stop 15 minutes into the drive, that I was totally wearing my pants and a scarf. Haha. They were right. I would be more comfortable in my scarf and no matter how hard I tried, that wig just doesn't look like me. And the harder I try to look different, the less comfortable I feel and the less fun I was going to have with my besties. I stopped by 'Line's to visit with her sweet mama on the way into town (she's the best friend to always make me feel good about just being myself) and she encouraged me to slip into some jeans and wrap my head up if I felt best that way (or even just go bald in my yoga pants!) and then hurry up and get my ass in her car so we could to drive to the party. This event required a lot of people giving me encouragement and then me to get my ass into gear to execute the plan. haha.

Of course, no one would have noticed me either way. The party was all about April and she was an amazingly perfect bride to be centerpiece for the party. How could anyone be distracted from the gorgeous (and entertaining) lady of the hour?! No one cared a lick about me, my bald head or my jeans (which p.s. were covered in mud from slipping and falling on my way into the party...so much for flying under the radar! But actually very much like old clumsy high school Jenn that everyone knew 15 years ago! haha). Seriously?! Yes, seriously. I fell in the mud while getting out of Caroline's car right in front of the party. Awesome. When I told mom about this happening, she had one of those trying not to laugh fits in the chemo room where you try not to laugh because you're not sure yet how the other person feels about it, but as your avoiding eye contact, your shaking and turning red from holding the laugh in...she finally just let loose and cracked up in my face. haha. Is it weird that falling in the mud and then having my mom make fun of me about it are the kinds of things that make me feel so totally normal and awesome?!

So great catching up with these girls...all doing amazing things in their lives. Such a talented (and good loookin) group I grew up with!

So, maybe I'll give the wig another good ol try before my hair gets any longer and I don't need it anymore! Maybe not...but for now, I'm going to just keep on being me and by the grace of God, be healthy enough and lucky enough to have a husband, a sister and friends who help to get me to get my ass in gear and be present for all of these amazing moments. That was a mouthful. I'm too tired to put on a wig and fix my makeup just reading that last sentence :)

Get your ass in gear and do something today...as the you...the REAL you...I LOVE YOU that way!! 

Jenn