Abraxane was a BUST...

Well, not really...it's kind of one of those long cancer stories that I hate catching you up on because a lot has happened in a really short time. It's overwhelming and not much of it sounds awesome. But, let me start you out with something that is awesome that I do know...
I'M GOING TO BE OKAY
...a lot is still up in the air, but here's where we are at now...

I've heard from a few of you that my obsessive compulsive personality really shines on our blog. My neuroses are hard to hide here. One of my fan favorite things to hear is how I make Dr. Jim feel my booby every dang time I see him with the same 'everything's great' update every dang time. I haven't had the nerve to feel for myself in months. I trust that the professional booby feelers know their stuff and will let me know if I need to worry. Finally, took a little of this responsibility on myself (really, only because Dr. Jim's been out of town), and here's the time line:

-3 weeks ago, things started to feel different in my right breast again. Got the nerve to feel, but not anything I could find to worry too much about

-2 weeks ago, felt around again because I was feeling sore and just different in my breast. Found a small lump right where the old one was. Still wasn't sure if it was
1. nothing to worry about because it really was nothing
2. nothing to worry about because something that's always been there since treatment shrunk it down
3. something new, but nothing to worry about
Can you tell that I really tried to focus on the 'don't worry' part of anything that it might be :) Since of course I was worried, but knew there was something I could do about it, decided to just put it on the agenda for the next week's appointment

-1 week ago, my oncologist is on vacation, but got in to see the physician's assistant. She ordered a breast MRI, mammogram (blech!!), and ultrasound. Got all of these done last week. To make this post as short as possible because there is so much to catch you up on, I won't go into detail about how I called the paramedic squad in 3 times while 'practicing' on the emergency button for my MRI or almost got escorted out of a building because of my protest against the ordered mammogram. Gosh, I really am kind of cooky. Putting some of my happenings in writing cracks me up sometimes. And kind of makes me wonder how some of you still want to be seen in public with me!!

I did hear back last week from the physician's assistant and she was in touch with poor Dr. Jim about this cooky patient while he was on vacay and both wanted to assure me that there was nothing to worry about. I was pretty sure that I was going to worry until Dr. Jim got his hands on my booby again and felt this thing for himself.

So...notes from my appointment today with the physician's assistant and Dr. Jim...

1. I have a very aggressive cancer. I had symptoms that typically aren't seen in early stage breast cancers in an early stage. My cancer is quick growing. With that said, my cancer has had a very good response to my chemo treatment. The scans show that my mass is about half the size it was before starting chemo treatment.

2. Dr. Jim has felt a palpable mass the whole way along during chemo treatment (I have not copped a feel myself until recently, so I can't comment on how things have changed along the way), but he did report that the mass does feel different from the last time he examined me.

3. It would be highly unlikely that the cancer has become non-responsive to treatment. It would be more likely that the changes are due to necrosis (dying tissue) or scar tissue, but this is difficult to tell from the images on the scans. In my own words, they can still see that the mass has disease (it's still a cancerous mass), but can't differentiate some of the surrounding tissues to tell where cancer cells end and other tissues begin

4. Based on what happened 5 months ago (when I was scheduled for a mastectomy and literally, seconds before I was going to be wheeled in for the surgery, the surgeon pulled the plug because the tumor had become too large in 10 short days to get clear margins), the benefits of ending chemotherapy right now and getting me into surgery to remove the mass as soon as possible outweighs risks of continuing on with chemo and possibly being back to square one or worse with a tumor again that is larger and inoperable and scrambling to find a drug that my cancer is responsive to (p.s. I've had my lifetime dose of the first drug A/C that I took...it's powerful stuff against cancer...and hearts! Any more of that one could do irreversible damage to my heart, so that one's not an option again)

5. The plan is to:
-Get me back into my surgeon's office to schedule a lymph node assessment and right breast mastectomy to hopefully be scheduled Monday (YES, like 7 days!). Enough time for my blood counts to bounce back up, but not too much time for cancer to act back up :)
-Based on the pathology reports on the mass, we will know more about whether or not the cancer is responsive or not to Abraxane and once I am healed enough from surgery, we will be back at it again for...dun dun dun...MORE CHEMO! Either more Abraxane or more of something else that they hope will work to keep me cancer free in the future

Sooo...EEEK! This stuff is no joke! I'm pretty worn out from these past 2 weeks, but know that this stuff is beyond my control, but what is...keep myself healthy and get my butt in gear and ready for a big surgery, recovery and more chemo treatment...check, check and check.

Like I said, I am going to be okay. I have faith in God, my team (I'm counting you in there with the same importance as Dr. Jim!) and myself. And I know another little guy that has a lot of faith that I'm going to be okay too, or at least is going to insist that I'm okay enough to make him some dinner in an hour, so no time for pity parties here!

We are going to be keepin on keepin on here in the Kinchen house. Will update you on Weds with details from surgeon appointment.

WIN THE DAY
Jenn