Happy New Year

We were all feeling a little sentimental in the Kinchen house this year as we reflected back on the last 365 days of craziness. Last year, we were all 3 in bed watching a movie while I was recovering from and gearing up for another chemo treatment. This year, we were all in bed watching a movie because that's what we want to be doing! ha!

In October of 2013, I sat with my core group and discussed what we knew so far about my breast cancer treatment plan and that because of the path we chose, they were each going to have to step in to help fill in for my mom job. I was going to be fine (and still I know that I'm going to be fine), but my biggest dang worry was Austin. I explained that I considered my job to make sure that every damn day that my kid has is his best damn day. And although I might fall short of that many dang days, I really do consider it my job to reach for that goal. Every dang day. I apologized ahead of time for being a jerk if they weren't doing the things I wanted them to do (on top of living their own dang lives! And reaching for their own goals!), but they took it. And we all made it. And our baby boy (then) big boy (now) is sipping champagne celebrating the day. Haha! Kidding. That's water crazies. But really. Last year was the best year of his 3 year old life :) And I pray that every year following just gets better and better.

And our little Kinchen family CANNOT thank each and every dang one of you for every little thing you have done for us. Really. We have said it before. But honestly, not an act too small that has not helped to carry us through the wildest ride. ever.

We love you. We thank God for you. And can't wait to see what the next year holds for our little Kinchen crew. And for you too!

Happy New Year!
Love
Jenn

Merry Merry Christmas!!

Hook Em!

Austin was loving all of the fun things to do and see down on the Texas Longhorns' basketball court at the game this week! I tried to snag a pic of him with a row of cheerleaders, but of course, he is much too quick for that kind of thing. Action shots are more his specialty :)

WIN THE DAY!
Jenn

'Tis the Season...already?!

I know I keep saying it, and we all do every year, but this last year really has been a big ol' blur. 'Tis the season again for creepy Santas! I put together our last 4 years of pics. Honestly, even though I was completely zombie-like sleep deprived our first visit with Santa, it was my fav. See Austin's little scrunched up face...yes, that is him mid-poopy right on Santa's lap. To Austin's credit, Santa was an hour late and wreaked of whiskey. He deserved it.

This year when we were on our way, Austin said, Mom, I don't want to sit on Santa's lap this time, I just want to stand next to him and tell him what I want for Christmas. Haha. A sneaky elf picked him right up and perched him on Santa's lap. You can tell he's nervous because his hands are rested perfectly on his lap. Homeboy is NEVER still. Especially his hands. I was taking a video and instead of hearing Austin's xmas wishes, all you can hear is me cracking up at his uncomfortableness. haha. Am I a bad mom for that? I was loving it. Just in case you'll think I'm a jerk, I'm not posting the video of my hysterical laughter at the sight of my kid squirming on a stranger's lap (bc, as I've learned, you can really make your life however you'd like or not like it to be seen on a blog!). Hopefully he doesn't have weird issues regarding guys with beards later in life.

Love
Jenn

Thankful!

Win the day! (Hopefully with a turkey leg)
Love
Jenn

Just Austin's Mom :)

My friends are really smart. I'm not bragging. It's just the truth. Every one of my favorite girls has some type of amazing talent that I am very proud of in her. I'm not sure how I pulled it off, but all of you ladies truly are unbelievable. I am one lucky girl to have yall.

I want to give a little shout out to one of my smart friends (actually, she is the smartest person I know). I'm banking on her finding the cure to cancer and finding a way one day for us to meet Oprah. Yes, those are my 2 goals in life. And I'm using her as a vehicle to achieve both. haha. She has been working diligently on some very cool research for many years. It's honestly waaaay over my head, and for the last couple of years our group of friends has just referred to her as 'the tick lady.' Turns out, her work is pretty unbelievable and getting some major attention right now. I told her that I had a fantasy that Oprah was going to get wind of the awesome Dr. Chou and fly her and her best friends to her house where we would be entertained by Celine and maybe even get to meet my favorite housewife from Beverly Hills, Yolanda, who is a Lyme disease survivor (yes, all that I know of Lyme disease has come from the Bravo network). Seemay laughed and said, ok, she would find the cure Lyme disease so we can meet Oprah. Haha. Now that's a good friend. Checkout one of the articles discussing her research...umm...yes...NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC...pretty big time for the girl we refer to as 'the tick lady.' haha.

http://phenomena.nationalgeographic.com/2014/11/25/raiding-the-oldest-arsenal/

So, how did I, little old stay at home mom end up with a group of doctors, lawyers,  Lyme disease curers as my friends? Where's my talent? Haha. Once upon a time, I did have one of those job things. I find myself often feeling like I have to defend our decision for me to stay at home with Austin. Especially when I'm surrounded by women who seem to be doing it all! Juggling work and mom loads and doing a kick ass job at both. I come up with all kinds of justifications for our situation that will satisfy others. Why in the heck do I feel like I have to do that? A bestie recently was asking when I was going to go back to working with people with disabilities (that's what I did before Austin was born for those of you who don't know). She said that she hated to see my talents wasted. I don't want to throw her under the bus. That was a compliment. She knows that I was good at what I did and made an impact in the lives of families I worked with who often don't have a very large pool of trained people to support them. I am proud of the work I did. I am talented in that field (and I still have a lot to learn about it too!), but I am also very proud of the work I do right now (and I also still have a lot to learn about being a mom!). At the zoo, playing with cars on the floor at home, chasing Austin around at the park. It's a privilege for me and I LOVE it. Everyone has what works for them and this works for us. And I'm thankful. I am going to work on letting go of that guilty feeling that I'm not doing enough or that I have to explain to others why I do what I do. I will ride on the coat tails of my talented friends who are out there curing cancer for the next few years while I work on my own special little project at home :)

A trend this week...be proud of yourself today!
Love
Jenn

GUILTY!

I rarely have a conversation with a mom when something comes up that one of us is feeling guilty about something related to what we are or are not doing with our kiddos. Mothers' guilt is a real m'fer sometimes. It can take away from being present in the moment for all of the awesome things happening right under your nose and for taking pride in the things that you are doing. I can always recognize in another mom that she is doing a freaking awesome job and way above and beyond in so many ways, but in myself, I often still feel that I can do more or should do more. I am totally guilty of wallowing in my own mothers' guilt.

I didn't realize that one of the biggest weights on my shoulders related to reconstructive surgery is my mama guilt until the plastic surgeon I saw this week pointed it out me...the appointment went much better than my last! But I did have a teary eyed 'aha!' moment when I told him that I was still hesitant on having reconstructive surgery at all and he said, 'I imagine your hesitation is related to feeling guilty about having an elective surgery. You should think of this as part of your treatment, not as being selfish.' Well, yes, but I hadn't ever thought of it that way. That dang mothers' guilt is tricky and disguises itself in all kinds of ways. haha. This time, I actually left with a surgery plan. Kind of. At least some options for various surgery plans that he assured me I do not have to chose anytime soon. I can have the surgery I choose tomorrow or in 20 years. It's up to me. Now, that's the kind of appointment I prefer. Better than my last one where I left feeling pretty disappointed (but at least we got some good laughs out of it!). I'll fill yall in in details about this plastic surgeon's specialty area and my surgery decisions later. I have an appointment with my general surgeon next week where we are going to make our final decision on what to do with lefty and that will weigh in on where we go from there.

Had an awesome appointment yesterday with my oncologist, Dr. Jim. I really love him (and p.s. he loves me too!). We went over all kinds of things, but mainly, we discussed the effects Tamoxifen is having on my mood, sleep and severe anxiety. He assured me that they are all caused by the medication. I am not a crazy lady. Well, I kind of am, but it's chemically induced craziness, not just my normal level of craziness. I cried (surprise, surprise, I know). It's just so dang frustrating to have to take this daily pill that makes me not feel like myself. I go to bed every night telling myself that I am going to call Dr. Jim and tell him I'm not taking this medicine anymore. And then I get up the next morning and say, I can do this one more day. So, basically, we decided that I was going to keep going with that strategy for another 3 months until I see him again. He thinks that even though the benefit that I may have from this medication is small, it's still some benefit and due to the very aggressive nature of the tumor in my breast, we need all we can get on my side! He told me that some women who take Tamoxifen start feeling more 'normal' after some time on the med, but some just have to keep working to find things that alleviate the anxiety and help them to sleep. Honestly, all of the women I've asked who are on Tamoxifen about the difficulties I'm having give me this really sad eyed look and just nod. ha! That's not really very encouraging, but it's honest. Kind of a 'yup, welcome to the club' kind of acknowledgment. So...will be keeping on with our WIN THE DAY motto and get up every morning and just do the dang thing. I am remaining positive that some of my funky hippie trials will end up being the magical answer :)

Be proud of yourself today! Don't let that sneaky guilty feeling take away from all of the awesome things you do!

WIN THE DAY!
Love
Jenn

P.S. I am feeling a little guilty that our 3 year old was singing Baby Got Back in his crib last week. Haha. Here's a clip. Holy cow. Yes, the line that you think he's singing, is definitely the one he is singing. Kid's got a taste for the classics and apparently also for buns hun. hahaha.

No he didn't?!

This month is the month of plastic surgeon interviews. My radiation oncologist and physical therapists suggested it as a good time to meet with some docs and decide what the best breast reconstruction options are for righty before scar tissue sets in from surgery and radiation and so I don't have to any longer brave the streets as what my youngest sister calls me, 'The One Boob Wonder.' Hahaha. Yes, that was the Halloween costume my 11 year old sister suggested for me this year. Gotta love sisters. So, the people pleaser and rule follower in me went ahead and scheduled with a slew of 'the best of the best' plastic surgeons around town.

I have to be honest. Walking around with one boob just doesn't bother me (as my always supportive other sister, Chanel, has pointed out many times, you can't even really tell since lefty has been through the breast feeding wringer anyway!). The only time I have felt a little self conscious is at a few appointments, various providers have pushed for me to get prosthetics (these bras that basically an implant fits into...I think that they thought I didn't know about them or that I must be going through this awful daily emotional heartache of having my right breast destroyed) and now with the most recent push for plastic surgery appointments.

Now...a little side note...this is totally MY experience. I absolutely do not knock people or think that they are silly for wanting to have a nice pair of matching boobs or if you already have those, wanting even nicer ones. It's just not something that I care about right now. Maybe never! I do have to admit though, I thought that maybe this was going to be the most fun part of this journey. Going into these fancy 'spa' like plastic surgeon offices where you get this smorgasbord of breast options and they would tell me that they could make me look like anything I wanted! haha. You know, like on those Beverly Hills plastic surgery shows? I even fixed what hair I have and wore sunglasses to fit in as just a girl who might be there for botox or some lipo and hide my breast cancer survivor status.

I had my first appointment earlier this week. It was scheduled to be a 2 hour consultation. Guess what? I was basically in and out in 15 minutes. What the heck. It took the guy 2 minutes of opening up my robe and looking at rightly to tell me that there was nothing he could do for me! He primarily does implant only surgeries and I just don't have enough breast tissue left after my mastectomy to be able to get an implant even with expanders first. He was going to refer to me to a different specialist. So, I kind of felt like I was 5 and ran out into the living room expecting a stocking full of candy on Xmas morning only to find my dad snoring on the couch in his underwear (sorry Dad). I started crying.

Now, I know that those of you who have been following our blog know that me crying at a doctor's appointment is no shocker (I even started tearing up at the optometrist a couple of months ago, who also happens to be one of my very best friends, because I was terrified that the scans she took would turn out to be something awful...and then I asked her if she did breast exams. haha. Just kidding. But I will pretty much ask any health professional to cop a feel, so she probably wouldn't have been shocked because she knows me so well), but I don't think that this guy was ready for influx of sudden tears. I came in there looking healthy and in typical Jenn smiling joking spirit and with the drop of a dime, I was bawling. Why was I so upset??

1. I didn't even want to be there in the first place. I'm not particularly bothered by the way I look right now. Of course, it's not ideal, but I'm okay with it. Through my tears, I got out that 'they wanted me to come here' I meant my other doctors, I'm sure he thought I was talking about the voices in my head.

2. I don't like it when people tell me that something is not an option for me. I want to have options and be able to decide what's best for me. I have always been an overachiever. Always (mostly) right. It made me feel like I had done something wrong by even being there in the first place. Weird, I know. I think I should've had more rejection and toughening up practice in my past to prepare me for this! Damn my family for always telling me I was smart and pretty and perfect! (Thank God for my sisters, they are the only ones who really keep it real for me). haha.

3. The type of surgery that this guy offers was pretty much the easiest route as far as breast reconstruction goes. His rejection means that if I decide to continue on the plastic surgery route, I'm looking at more extensive surgeries and possibilities of complications.

4. This was a reminder that the cancer treatment that we opted for did some extensive damage to my body. The chemo was tough, but the radiation that got little mention will also have major repercussions due to the tissue damage and continuing scar tissue development (this can go on for up to 2 years after treatment!). It's just so dang frustrating because I seriously do every gosh darn thing in my control to treat my body well and he reminded me that even though I look and feel better, my body is still majorly recovering.

5. Telling me that my only option for reconstruction consisting of 'flap' donor sites from other parts of my body, expanders, then possible implant made my stomach feel like a big rock dropped right into the bottom of my gut. I just can't imagine electing to miss that kind of time with my kid anytime soon. I was faced with almost a year of that kind of crap that was not in my control. I don't think I can do it right now.

There's more, but it's sounds really pathetic and negative like what if I waste all of this time doing something that I'm not even sure I want to do while I am feeling well and the damn cancer recurs and then I actually really do have to be out for the count?! That thought needs to be deleted from my brain. I am healthy. I am fine. I am going to be fine. The bottom line is, like I've said before, the moments we have are precious. They CANNOT be wasted. Now, that sounds a little more positive, right??

Icing on the cake is what happened for the other 13 minutes of my appointment after the plastic surgeon took a peek and closed the right side of my robe back up saying there was nothing he could do for me...he started giving me a consultation on how I could perk up and enhance LEFTY!! SAY WHAT DOC?! THAT'S MY BEST ASSET! THAT'S THE ONE THAT YOU JUST TOLD ME YOU CAN'T EVEN MATCH NOW IN IT'S SMALL DEFLATED STATE! ugh. Oh, guess what happened then?? He took pictures of me for my file. With an ugly crying face. My mom said that I just can't get a dang break with this stuff. Haha.

So I pretty much walked out of there with a summary that righty is too jacked up for a less invasive surgery, but there are lots of things that can be done for me to have one really amazing left breast. I guess there is still hope for the One Boob Wonder Halloween costume next year. hahaha.

I canceled my appointment for another consultation with a different plastic surgeon tomorrow. I'm going to spend the day being in good health, feeling good about myself and playing with our unbelievable amazing kiddo!

WIN THE DAMN DAY PEOPLE and feel good about the skin you're in :)
Love
Jenn

Just some pics...

It's funny how you frame things and what you decide to share on a blog can really paint a pic of what is or is not going on in your life! Thought I should share some pics of my day to day without a wine glass in my hand :)

Austin had his first year of real trick or treating around the neighborhood. He had a BLAST! 

Our little monkey is quite the mama's boy. Jonathon always says, that guy really likes you a lot. haha. Yes he does. And I like him a lot too :)

Been having the best time hanging out in our beautiful fall weather here in Texas and spending lots of time with Austin's buds and their awesome moms. I feel lucky everyday to be able to do what I do. Watching all of their little personalities start to shine is so fun!

WIN THE DAY!
Jenn

I'm into some weird stuff right now :)

Just been taking it easy (as easy as you can with a wild and crazy 3 year old boy!) lately. Austin is so much fun right now. I am really enjoying every minute with him.

My energy is kind of up and down. More up than down. I have about a zillion doctors appointments coming up this month. I am interviewing plastic surgeons to discuss my options for reconstruction. I'm still undecided on where to go with this...and still undecided on where to go with lefty too. Sounds like an easy decision, just cut off lefty and get 2 nice new boobies, right?! haha. The further I get out from treatment, the less I want to go back and have more surgeries (recovery from my right side mastectomy wasn't that bad, but it was about a week of missing out on time with Austin and relying on other people to help me out quite a bit). The other piece of it is that honestly, I'm not sure my body is ready for another surgery (this wouldn't be happening until at least late January because my skin is STILL healing from the extensive radiation to my right side). TBD.

I am having major hormone issues. My body is out of balance (purposefully, the daily Tamoxifen blocks Estrogen with the hopes that if any ER+ cancer cells develop, they cannot survive without my Estrogen to 'feed' them). Turns out, Estrogen is pretty darn important in our bodies. And it pretty much sucks to be out of balance. I just don't feel like myself. Kind of 'blah,' short tempered, and extremely ANXIOUS. This is not the kind of anxiety that I know what it is that I'm anxious about. It's just an intense physical feeling. The worst! I keep saying that my body has been put through the wringer, but it's so true. And the kind of stress my body went through has caused my systems to be on high alert survival mode! I've eliminated caffeine and alcohol for a while to try and help, and of course continuing to nourish myself with yummy whole foods (Halloween has really thrown a wrench in my 'no sugar' motto...I cannot resist starbursts and skittles. haha).

I will keep you updated on where we will decide to go with my Tamoxifen medication (reminder that the cancer I had was very very low ER+, so we are not really sure that it will benefit me anyway!) and surgeries. I saw my radiation oncologist last month with an all good checkup and at the end of this month, I get a visit in with Dr. Jim.

In the meantime, I am headed to visit a well known functional medicine doctor here in town to get her input on how I can help to heal my body. Sounds like a cooky hippie thing to do, right? haha. She's legit. Not as cooky as some of the other stuff I'm into right now! Spending as much time outside as we can, walking. I'm also back into my yoga, emwave, spoonk mat, and Jonathon and I both are trying these cool float tanks! haha. Next on my list is also visiting a hypnotherapist! Yup, I'm throwing it all out there. I'm into some weird stuff right now. haha. If you tell me it might work to help make me feel better without using drugs and can't do any harm even if it doesn't do any good...chances are, I'll give it a whirl.

WIN THE DAY!
Jenn

Happy birthday...to ME!

Besties Maaya and Brenda treated me to a trip to the State Fair for my 33rd bday this year. We had a great time. I had a turkey leg, so couldn't really get much better for me. Haha. We also ate lots of chocolate and drank lots of wine :)

Austin enjoyed my free bday Starbucks treat. The cookie was as big as his head. He thought it was hilarious.

Love
Jenn

This is gonna be the best day of my liiiiife

My cousin Ber thinks Austin will definitely be the kid screaming the Christmas songs on stage in kindergarten. Better than the kid picking his nose I guess :)

Hope today is the BEST DAY OF YOUR LIIIIIIIFE!!!
Love
Jenn

Happy Happy Birthday Austin!!

Our little wild monkey turned 3 this week. It's been a tough event for me. Poor kid was trotting around town in 24 month old clothes because I just didn't want to believe he was a 3T. I finally traded out his shorts for some that aren't above the knees :) This is a really fun age. We have actual conversations about all kinds of funny things and his imagination is running wild...please only believe half of what he tells you these days! haha. He comes up with some whoppers that are pretty entertaining. Like the time I turned into a lion and chased him around and then he became a ninja turtle and we ate cupcakes. Could've happened, right?!

We had a fun weekend with friends and family and our own little family celebration on his actual birthday (with ICE CREAM!). We thank God for him every dang day. Many times a day.

Austin shared a little inspirational story with me this week about trying to climb up a ladder... he said, 'Mom, it was a challenge...but I just tried and tried again until I made it to the top! That means persevere mom. We try and try again even if it's a challenge.'

God, I love that kid. Persevere my friends. Even if it's hard. One little step up the ladder at a time. If that's not Kinchen WIN THE DANG DAY thinking, I don't know what is :)

Love
Jenn

Weirdos and, you guessed it, wine! HA!

Took a family excursion to Austin Comicon last week...supporting our dorky little sis in her interests as she supported us on our interests (wine) last week. Yes, we all even put on some form of a costume for this event. The things we will do for our fam. I am so proud of our little Aunt Boogie. She has remained her same awesome nerdy self through the transition to the dreaded middle school this year. Obviously, she is rubbing off on us because we walked around in public as grown adults in costumes without batting an eye. There are quite a few interesting characters at this event. Austin was cracking us up switching between Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and The Hulk costume all evening. haha. He was really getting into character. Bonus...I found a cocktail booth there, so I had a great time :)

Although I know Austin and I will always have a special 'Mama's Boy' bond, I have come to accept that we are venturing into special Daddy territory with Austin's new 3 year old boy interests in superheros, sports and random cartoon characters. And I'm not going to lie, I'm not feeling too devastated in having to share the responsibility of singing 'Turtles in a half-shell! Turtle Power!' at least 100 times a day with Daddy. And Jonathon LOVES it.

Had a special visit last week from Auntie Seemay! When we were leaving lunch with her one day, Austin said, 'Mom, that was fun! We are so lucky to have Aunt Seemay for our friend! Did you know that?' haha. Yup. I actually do know that. We love Auntie Seemay. Wish I could've spent more time with her. She was here on baby duty helping her brother and sister-in-law with the surprise (and very very early!) arrival of their precious healthy baby boy and I ended up with an awful cold that had me in bed for 3 days. My immune system is really ticking me off. Everyone else gets the same bug with some sniffles, but I am down for the dang count for days. The daily Tamoxifen med keeps my white counts knocked down which makes fighting off bugs a lot of work. This cold and flu season is going to be a tough one for me. Blech.

One thing I'm very thankful for is how low maintenance yall have been with all of our craziness. My bestie has flown all the way here from Seattle 4 times now and I've spent less than a couple of hours with her without any stress at all. Twice I didn't see her at all. I've flaked out on dinners and birthday parties. Canceled something at the last minute at least once a week. Whew! Love that yall are so understanding. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Wish everyone could be treated with the same consideration and compassion we have been. I think if all of us just considered that each of us is out there trying to do what's best for ourselves and families (and I think most of us are!), there would be a lot less drama in the world! I ain't got time or energy to put towards any of that. I'm still recovering from some major ass kicking that happened this last year. Thanks to each of you for your continued thoughts and prayers as our little Kinchen family gets stronger and stronger each dang day!

Love
Jenn

Thank you Jesus :)

Had an 'ALL CLEAR' mammogram on lefty this morning. This time around, I had my doctor order a 3d mammogram at St. David's Breast Center.   This is recommended for women who have a history of breast cancer, dense breast tissue, or a history of 'call backs' with traditional mammography. For these people, the little bit of extra radiation your exposed to is worth the risks.

While I was driving to the center this morning, I immediately started regretting my decision to have this advanced imaging done. Maybe I just don't even want to know if there is a problem until a little further down the road! Or maybe never! Just keep living everyday like it's the best day of my life! Not a bad way to pass the time. I've read a ton of studies that basically show that the earlier breast cancer is detected may not really prove to better prognosis, just increase time as a 'survivor.' Not going to go into details on this because it's a major downer, or not, depending on how you look at it. Trying to focus on the big WIN today which is I walked out of the center breast cancer free :)

I had the initial 3d image completed, and for those of you who have ever had a mammogram done, after the imaging, you are placed in a 'waiting lounge.' I refer to it as mammogram Purgatory. haha. My last time in this waiting lounge back in March was a big ball of suckiness. I was called back in for an ultrasound and then had a private meeting with the radiologist (when you actually have to see the radiologist during these kinds of things, it's rarely an awesome thing) who told me the stats on the tumor which indicated it was growing through chemo treatment. It was one of the worst moments of my life. When I was waiting in the waiting room this morning, I kept telling myself to just wait to cry until I got in the car! I knew I was going to cry no matter what the results were. No more tears in these damn doctors' offices (you should've seen my most recent meltdown at my allergist's office. haha!). The tech came back into the waiting room and said the radiologist wanted some more imaging done. Tears. Couldn't hold them back. Poor lady. She assured me that everything was fine, they just wanted to make sure they got views all the way back to my chest wall. They were just being extra thorough because of my history. Which, of course, I appreciate. The second round of images were reviewed, and everything was just fine.

So...these awesome results will be sent on to my surgeon and oncologist and from here we will be making some major decisions (or decide not to do a dang thing) regarding my left breast and my right breast reconstruction. Will keep you posted.

My bestie in Wisconsin sent me her view while driving last week. haha.

WIN THE DAMN DAY my friends!
Jenn

Gettin out there...

I have spent the past 3 years at home with our amazing kiddo...cannot tell you how solid Jonathon and I know feel about that decision. In those last 3 years, honestly, I have rarely ventured out of a 10 mile radius of our home, but now that I am coming out of my cancer treatment fog, I realize that the little bit of extra energy I'm gaining every day MUST be taken advantage of with any and every favorite person in our little world! I don't want to miss a dang thing. I've told you before, my assignment from Dr. Jim is to live my life as if every second is precious and limited.

Had another fun tour out in the amazing Texas Hill Country with my mom and sisters. We had the best time! I would encourage any of you out there pinching pennies to buy a 'thing' that you think might make you happier, to save your money for an 'experience' with the people you love :)

My friend, Linda, at Slowpokes is sooo fun! If you're interested, she has a deal on living social right now. Here's a link...I think the promo code savebig works through tonight to get a discount (full disclosure, if you buy one from this link, Aunt Stinky will be getting her voucher for free!). Living social deals are so cool. If you get 3 friends to buy something that you've purchased, yours is free! And then you have more friends to join you. Woohoo!

https://t.livingsocial.com/deals/1236216?ref=share-deal_pur_proc_email-copy_box-web-deals&rpi=174687652&rui=837166

PS. Aunt Boog is definitely drinking ROOT beer :)

Of course, we had my special buttery mocha coffee in the morning! This time around we had a special guest, an armadillo, join us for our quiet all girls' coffee...Also, just for a laugh...checkout the huge pile of bags I packed!! I think the amount of luggage I carry with me is a pretty good gauge for my anxiety level. Haha.

Checkout Austin's new fav, Baby Bre! Isn't she adorable?! I couldn't stop smelling her. haha.  I feel very fortunate to have all of my attention and time to give to our little guy, but every time I hold a little baby or when Austin asks about babies, it does give me a tiny punch in the gut knowing that I can't have another one of my own. Again, don't be nervous if I run off to a corner with your baby if you have one. I promise I'll bring him back when he poops or cries :)

WIN THE DAY! Spend your time and energy doing things you love with people you love! 
Jenn

Buttery chocolatey caffeinated goodness

I noticed a theme to my latest posts...wine and fun! Haha! This weekend was no exception.

Had an awesome surprise visit into town from my favorite Young girls including my bestie Apes, her youngest sister Ash and, of course, their amazing mom, Mrs. Young. These girls have always known how to have a good time. Wine or not :) My fav part of the visit was our quiet girls only coffee on the patio while the sun was rising over the lake...I love every second with our kiddo, but every once in a while, a good cup of coffee by myself (or with a group of my all time favs) is pretty darn nice too. And for those of you who know my bestie, a sunrise that she is out of bed for really is a special occasion. Haha. Homegirl could sleep through a hurricane. No, really, she slept through a hurricane in Destin during spring break our freshman year of college! Haha.

I'm sure you've heard all of the hype about butter coffee lately (p.s. this guy is all about talking up his own products, some of which I think are worth it, some I'm not so sure. Either way, his products come with a hefty price tag and you can get a version of most of it without his name on it in a healthy grocery store).

While I'm not a huge advocate for getting all of your daily calories through drinking a cup of fat (I think you should eat food with fat too! haha) and you definitely can overdo it with too much healthy fats, if you're a person like me who's always done low fat, fake sugars, processed food crappy kind of eating to stay thin and healthy (wow, that worked out well for me, didn't it?!)...eating some good quality REAL food (including fat!) has really done my body good. Well, I've actually gained 15 pounds since I started raditaion. haha. But that can't be attributed to my yummy fatty coffee. I was drinking it when I lost 20 lbs before treatment too! I think it's a mix of the stress my body went through with chemo (stress makes your body hold on to fat) and my whacky menopausal hormones. Either way, trying to just eat to heal. Eat when I'm hungry. Just don't be afraid to eat (REAL food!)!!

I have an awesome recipe for the yummiest, healthiest coffee that I look forward to drinking every morning. Adapted from my fav Paleo food trailer Picnik...their mocha chocolatte is muy bueno baby! Although, now that I've told you I've gained 15 lbs, I'm not sure how many of you will still be into it...

Coffee
1 Tbsp raw Cacao powder
1/2 Tbsp raw Cacao butter
1/2 tbsp grass fed unsalted Butter (with a capital B)
1 Tbsp Upgraded MCT oil
2 scoops Collagen
Little bit of local raw honey 

Blend it with an immersion blender and it's the most delicious frothy cup of fatty caffeinated yumminess ever. Please don't forget to blend, or you'll have a lumpy oil slicked coffee. blech!

Changing gears...for whatever reason, a scene like this does not ruffle my feathers. Like very rarely at all do I get anxious or upset when I have a screaming toddler throwing a fit. Even in public. Austin will probably see this one day and think that he has the meanest mommy ever. I just keep moving on with our day. Thankfully, my strength is up and can carry him right on out of places when needed! Whew! I always think, you can't scare me dude, I've been fighting cancer for the last year. This little fit is seriously the least of my worries. haha.

Checkout my chemo curls coming in!! Hilarious awkward hair is definitely on my horizon for the next few months

And if it's not my kid screaming, as long as no one's hurt, I seriously do not even hear other childrens' sounds. Loud yelling kids, crying, tantrums...just a day in the life. Everyone has their own threshold for things on any given day.

BUT

My anxiety right now is THROUGH. THE. ROOF. Ugh. I can't pinpoint any one thing that is triggering my panic. I think it's post traumatic stress from the last year. Well, really, it's all still going on! This has been one wild ride for sure.

One thing I think that is in the back of my mind is the upcoming Breast Cancer Awareness month in October. Not only the studies and stories get to me, but just the reflection back on what was going on in our lives exactly one year ago. I'm headed in next week for the dreaded mammogram (last year, I had one on my actual birthday, so 33 is already looking up!). Will keep you posted on what steps we will be taking regarding surgery options from there...

In the meantime, we are getting out there, enjoying the weather, friends and family. Been walking (I gave up the running for a while. My ankle is thanking me!) to help with stress relief. Checkout our silly guy cruising along with the biggest smile ever (not sure where that big mouth came from?). ha!

If we all wore those Mickey hats with ears around, the world would be a much happier place. haha. They are hilarious. Can't help but smile when he puts it on so seriously.

Love
Jenn

Fun fun fun!

Had another fun visit from wild and crazy PaPa Payday. He is Austin's best bud. Austin didn't want to get out of his crib this morning because he was trying to stall PaPa from leaving. Haha. They have so much fun together. My dad is such a big kid. Here are some pics from our walk thru the new Austin Boardwalk on Town Lake last week.

Photo booths are another thing that will bring out the big kid in some of us too...had a great time this year again at the Vine to Wine fundraiser for Texas Parent to Parent.  Auntie Maaya and Kristin joined me and my bestie, B, this year. We had a blast...and let's just say we monopolized the silent auction tables...Jonathon had to pop the trunk to haul all of my goods home! haha. It's for a good cause. You can read more about the organization http://www.txp2p.org/index.html

Looking forward to a break in the rainy days and a bit of cooler weather headed our way here soon!
Love
Jenn

We were just having too much fun!

So many of you who were able to join us at our Win the Day party said the same thing...we were having so much fun, we forgot to take pictures! haha. Of course, most of our mom and dad friends shared a few with us. Moms and dads with little ones are good about that kind of thing (and of course, my girl K always busts out her camera and makes us pose whenever we are together). You would never be able to tell by our pics how many of yall were there! None of our party bus riding, corn hole playing beer drinking buds are rep'd here...among so many more folks! We tipped the scales around 150 awesome people (and little people!). Thanks again to everyone who came out to celebrate the day with our family and to those of you there with us in spirit. Next year we will have to add a photographer to the pay roll!